Having the Guts to Change
by Sheila Bryant
Summary: Emily has always been the strong one in the family. What if there was something that might change that? E/R maaaybe some hints of L/L but definitely E/L too. Oh and I threw a bit of Rory in there as well.
1. Suspicious Minds

**_Disclaimer_**_  
All recognizable Gilmore Girls characters belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, and the WB. I use these characters & their story without permission, but am not making any profit from the copyrighted characters. No infringement is intended._

* * *

Lorelai Victoria Gilmore raised one slender eye brow while watching her mother taking a sip from her martini glass.  
She focused her eyes on the drink in the hands of the woman sitting across from her as it was placed on the coffee table. It was a martini glass; the liquid in it was transparent and there was an olive in it and still Lorelai was sure it was not what it seemed to be.

She had gotten suspicious the moment she had spotted two pitchers on the drink cart when her father had asked her what she would have. Vodka Martini with a twist, as always. Her mother usually had the same... pre-dinner cocktails were always either white wine or Martinis.

Today it was different. She had not been able to watch her father pouring the drinks, but she was sure that he had filled the glasses with liquids from two different pitchers. One of them had ice cubes in it. There never were ice cubes in a pitcher of Martinis. It would water down the drink.

It would have been too obvious for her to turn and watch him while he fixed the drinks behind her back. She didn't want her mother to notice anything. But she was sure she had heard the ice cubes clinking when the second glass was filled. The glass that now sat on the table.

Emily caught her daughter's eyes lingering on her glass, praying she wouldn't say anything.  
Looking towards the drink cart, she stared at the two pitchers. There was one that held Martinis, the other had water in it. Water. She gazed down at her glass. Water with a faint taste of olive. How she wished for alcohol. It would calm her nerves. She had not had to face Lorelai without being able to drink alcohol for a very long time now and she didn't quite know for how long it would work.

Her daughter had been strangely quiet tonight and not having Rory with them only made it harder. Taking a deep breath, Emily forced herself to calm down. There was no need to be nervous, she told herself. They had been able to sit through Friday Night Dinners for months now and were still on good terms.  
It was a miracle in and of itself and she was grateful for it. It seemed that Lorelai had begun to actually try to understand, or at least to try not to prod her mother's temper.  
Of course they still teased each other, but it never got out of hand. It even felt nice.

"Have you heard from Rory lately?" Emily broke the silence.

Looking up at her mother, Lorelai studied her face. "Uhm... you already asked me that, Mom."

Of course she had. Mentally cursing herself, she tried to come up with an excuse for her behavior. "Well, you didn't go into much detail."

"That's because I don't have any. She finished the campaign trip, she got that strange job offer, she flew off to Europe, she'll be back in three weeks. End of information."

Strangely enough, the trace of anger in her daughter's voice calmed her nerves.

Looking up, she saw the maid entering the room. "Dinner is ready."

She turned her head towards her husband and let him lead her into the dining room.

Richard brushed his hand over her shoulder when he walked over to his chair, the silent gesture making her smile. They had found a unique way of communicating without words during their marriage. She was grateful for it.

The salad was served and Lorelai decided to keep quiet for some time. But when her mother had water instead of wine with the entrée as well, she had to speak up.  
"So, Mom, have you joined AA or something?" she addressed her mother.

Emily and Richard looked at each other over the table before both looked at their daughter. "I don't know what you're talking about." Emily took another bite of potato, trying not to show her fear.

Pointing her knife towards her mother's glass, she stated what she thought was obvious. "You're drinking water?"

Resting her wrists against the table, Emily shot her daughter a look. "And that tells you I have quit drinking alcohol and have joined Alcoholics Anonymous?"

"Well, you never have water with dinner." She pulled her shoulders up slightly, shrinking back at her mother's tone of voice.

Glaring at the younger woman, her voice was harsh. "Making fun of alcoholism is very rude, Lorelai."

She suddenly had the urge to defend herself. "But you never drink water with dinner. You drink wine or port or sherry, but you never-"

"Why are you suddenly asking me about my drinking habits?" How she hated talking to her daughter when she was like this.

"Because you _never_ have water with dinner." Why was it so hard for her mother to understand what she was saying?

Standing up, Emily threw her napkin on the table. "This is ridiculous. Excuse me."

Her husband watched as she left the room, then shot his daughter a look before standing up and going after his wife without saying a word.

He found her in the living room, her arms wrapped around herself, staring out the window, into the dark.  
"Emily?" he whispered, not wanting to scare her.

Turning around, her eyes were glistening just slightly more than usual. She would allow tears to even build. "I'm sorry, Richard. I just..." She sighed, clearly frustrated.

He nodded as he walked closer, gently placing his hand on her upper arm, squeezing lightly. "I know." Looking back towards the dining room, he addressed her without turning his head. "Do you think you can get through the rest of the night without another fight?"

Emily took a deep breath. "I guess."

He looked back at her. "Emily... maybe you should--"

"--No." She did not let him finish the sentence. "I will not tell her." Stepping closer towards him, she looked him deep in the eyes. "_We_ will not tell her."

Richard nodded in silent agreement. It was her decision; he would stand by her no matter what she decided.

They went back into the dining room and sat down as if nothing had happened.

Placing her napkin in her lap, Emily did not look at her daughter when she spoke up. "Pass the carrots, please."

Lorelai looked up from her plate and furrowed her brow. Taking the plate of carrots, she wordlessly passed it on to her mother.

She still didn't understand why her mother had flipped at her comment or why she did not drink alcohol for the rest of the evening, but she decided not to get into the topic again right now. They could talk about the weather or the latest article Rory had written but they would not talk about her mother's change of drinking habits again anytime soon.

Speaking without talking ... they were back to normal; the Gilmore way.

* * *

"Hello?" She yawned into the phone.

"Hey, kiddo," her mother's cheery voice greeted her.

Taking the alarm clock from her nightstand, Rory squinted her eyes. "Mom. It's 1 in the morning."

"Sorry, hon. Forgot about the time difference again." Lorelai bit her lip as she sat down on the bed, she really had not thought about it.

Putting the clock back in its place, Rory sat up to make sure she would not fall asleep while talking. "So, why are you tearing me out of my Lois & Clark dream?"

"You know, you should really tell a shrink about that one." She grinned into the room while Paul Anka jumped onto the bed.

"Mom." Rolling her eyes, she tried to get comfortable. "Okay. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I mean ... at least not wrong-wrong. Not stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off wrong." Shrugging her shoulders, she looked up at the ceiling, hoping her daughter had understood what she meant.

Rory furrowed her brow. "But something is not right."

"Right." She smiled broadly.

"Right?"

"Hey! Don't confuse the Mommy!" Lorelai pretended to pout.

Rubbing her eyes, her daughter sat up and pulled the blanket up a little. "Sorry, I'm tired... Okay, trying to follow you here."

"Good."

After a moment of silence, Rory spoke up again. "So...?"

"So..." Lorelai was not sure what to say.

Palm up, Rory stretched her arm in a broad gesture, both eyebrows raised. "Lead the way."

"Right," she began chewing on her lower lip.

Another moment of silence passed. "...Mom?"

"Shh, I'm trying to collect my thoughts."

Rory grinned. "That could take a while."

"Mean." She pointed into the room.

"Tired!" came the griped answer.

"Yes, well." Lorelai began playing with the bedspread. "... Okay, let's start at the beginning."

On the other end, her daughter furrowed her brow. "If you are going to make that Adam & Eve joke now, I'll hang up."

"Spoilsport."

She wrinkled her nose. "Just at one in the morning." Her tone sounded defending.

"Okay," her mother admitted.

"Shoot."

Lorelai's face lit up. "That one's too easy."

"I know, that's why I thought you would leave it alone." Her facial expression matched her mothers.

"You're so smart," she cooed playfully.

Nodding in agreement, she smiled into the semi-darkness of her room. "Yes, and I'm also wide awake now ... so ...?"

"Well, I was at your grandparent's today." Lorelai pulled her legs up, sitting cross-legged.

Remembering the time, she couldn't help but ask. "Today-today?"

She rolled her eyes. "I thought you want to go back to sleep soon."

Another giggle. "Okay. So you were attending Friday Night Dinner... and ... ?"

"And your grandma acted strangely."

"If you have woken me to tell me that, then you are officially gone crazy now," Rory teased.

Her mother grinned at Paul Anka. "I thought I had already done that last time I called you." She received a confused look from the dog.

Rory shook her head. "No, that time you only confirmed my theory about you drinking too much coffee while I'm gone."

Rolling her eyes, she gently brushed her hand over the dogs head. "As if that has been out of the question at any point."

She took a look at her alarm clock again. "Back to topic, please. It's getting early."

"You mean it's getting late." Lorelai furrowed her brow.

Her daughter grinned mischievously. "No, right now it's more like I said."

"Darn, all that studying at Yale definitely made you too smart."

"Mom...?" She tried to get her back on topic again.

"Okay, so your grandma acted weird-"

"-Which still is nothing new," she threw in.

"She did not drink." Lorelai went on.

"She... what?" Now that was confusing.

Lorelai felt as if she had finally made a point. "No alcohol the whole night."

Thinking it over for a moment, Rory nodded. "...Okay, that _is_ kind of strange."

"Exactly what I told her." Her mother pointed at Paul Anka again, who decided to ignore it this time.

Rory furrowed her brow. "You told her that she's strange?"

"I told her she is not drinking." Sometimes she wondered why her daughter seemed unable to follow her trail of thought. This time she decided it must be the strange timing.

"Alcohol," she added to her mother's sentence.

Nodding, she was somewhat relieved Rory finally got it. "Yup. And then she snapped at me."

"Well, she's Grandma."

"No excuse."

She decided to let it pass this time. "Go ahead."

Lorelai shrugged her shoulders. "That's it."

"That's it?" Furrowing her brow in disbelief, Rory sat up straight again.

"Let me think ... uhm ... yeah?" She couldn't believe he daughter didn't get the importance of her words.

"You are waking me up because Grandma did not drink alcohol tonight." Rory recapitulated.

On the other end of the line, Lorelai furrowed her brow and cocked her head to one side. "You're still asleep, right?"

Raising both eyebrows, she shook her head slightly. "No?"

"Then why do you think it's no big deal." She pouted.

Shrugging her shoulders, Rory leaned a bit forward to work some kinks out of her back. "Well, it isn't."

"But..."

"Mom. Maybe she is ill or she just didn't feel like it or she is on a weird kind of diet. There are a hundred reasons Grandma could have not been drinking alcohol tonight."

Thinking it over, she had to agree with her daughter. "I guess you're right."

"I surely am."

"Okay." She still pouted.

After a moment, Rory asked. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Yeah, well." Lorelai shrugged, then added, "... Okay. But if she doesn't drink next week--"

"--We are going to tackle her down and shove a bottle vodka down her throat the next time I'm there," she finished the sentence.

She could hear the huge grin in her mother's voice when she said, "Hey, can we do that no matter what?"

Giggling, she rolled her eyes. "Nice try. Go to sleep, weirdo."

"Will do, my child," Lorelai teased.

"Nite Mom."

"Nite." Pushing the end-call button, Lorelai huffed and looked at Paul Anka.

"Don't look at me like that."

He cocked his head to one side, still keeping eye contact.

"So you think she's right, huh?"

The dog made a strange noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a growl.

Nodding, she smiled. "Smart answer."

Maybe Rory and Paul Anka were right and she made too much of it, but part of her still wanted to find out what it was all about.

Standing up, she pulled her pink Hello Kitty pillow out from under the bed. She would find out.

Next Friday the latest.

* * *

Emily paced the living room, the phone pressed against her ear her, other hand wrapped around herself to keep the cardigan that hung around her shoulders from falling down while she spun around as she walked back and forth.

It was a beautiful autumn day, the warm, golden glow of the sun creating lovely colors as the soft wind played with the few leaves that still hung on the trees in the expansive garden, trying to make them fall. If she had looked outside, she would have seen the beauty of the day; she would have let the serenity of the view she had from here calm her.

She felt anything but calm. The pain had gotten worse and she just couldn't get the damn nurse to put her through to the specialist she had been seeing for the last few months. "No, I will _not_ wait. I have paid good money to get the service I want and seeing now that you don't provide it, I can very well be upset."

Glaring at the maid when she entered the room, she didn't even see the poor creature shrinking back before she turned around again to concentrate on understanding the heavy-accented nurse.

Taking a deep, calm breath, she put on a smile, her voice taking on a sugar-coated quality. "If you would be so kind as to tell the doctor that he should come to the phone?" Her face fell, as did her voice. "Or I will have to call Mr. _Kinsella_ so he can tell the doctor not to leave me waiting."

A triumphant grin formed on her lips. "Yes, Kinsella as in Vice President Kinsella." Gazing out of the window, she felt herself calm more and more. "Yes, all right. I will wait."

Without her noticing, Richard had sneaked into the room, watching her pressing her hand against the side of her back.

"What do you mean, he said I'd have to wait like everybody else?"

To anybody who didn't know her, her voice sounded angry but years of training let him hear that it was not because of what the other person had told her, but because of her trying to deal with physical pain. His jaw muscles clenched when he realized what this meant.

"Listen, I don't care how many people are in your waiting room." She pointed her finger at the window, glaring at her own mirror image. "I need to speak to my doctor, and I need to speak to him _now_." Hearing a noise behind her, she spun around, surprised to find her husband standing in the doorway.

He slowly walked towards here, their gazes locked, gently taking the receiver she still held to her ear from her hand.

Taking a deep breath, he listened to the nurse on the other end, going on about how it was not possible for her to get the doctor. His eyes not leaving Emily's, his voice was a low rumble. "This is Richard Gilmore. My wife and I will be there in thirty-five minutes. You will tell the doctor to meet us at the door. Did I make myself clear?"

She watched as he nodded and then slowly put the phone on the small table next to them, mesmerized. He had heard. Why on earth had he heard her? Why was he here? She felt her heart in her throat, the gentleness in his eyes scaring her.

She had not wanted him to know that the medication did not work. He had kept up with her over the past weeks, never complaining. She did not want him to feel bad about her being ill and yet, here he was, once again having to take care of her like he had to do so often during the last few months.

He read her face, knowing that she was too weak to keep the well trained mask up any longer. Richard stepped closer towards her, putting an arm around her shoulders, kissing her forehead. "Let me get your coat."

.

When they got home she was exhausted. It was a state of mind and body that she was not used to. How she hated it. How she hated being weak.  
Her arm hurt from the injection the dreadful nurse had given her. At least the pain subsided.  
Now if only she could drag her body upstairs and go to bed... she didn't really care whether or not she would find the strength to undress or not. She just wanted to sleep.

"Emily?" He walked over to where she stood in the middle of the foyer, unmoving.

Richard knew better than to touch her before making sure she had seen him. The last time the doctor had changed the dose of her medication, he had made the mistake of touching her shoulder when she was absent like this. He remembered the marks her fingernails had left on his cheek vividly.

Standing in front of her, he caught her eyes before gently cupping her cheek in his hand. "Do you think you can make it up the staircase?"

She furrowed her brow. Since when did her husband have grey hair? But of course he had... or... her head spun. Pressing her fingertips against her forehead, she closed her eyes, feeling Richard lift her up, carrying her to their bedroom.

His heart ached for her. Here she was, in his arms, depending on him. In a way she always had, but this was completely different.

He knew he had to be strong, but he also knew that he wouldn't be able to keep it all locked up inside for much longer.  
It had been so much better last week. Friday Night, Emily had even been able to trick their daughter into believing everything was all right.

He gently laid her down on her side of the bed, taking off her shoes. Looking at her face, he wondered how much longer she would keep it a secret.

For now he was just glad she seemed to be feeling well enough to sleep peacefully.

* * *

_**Author's Note:** So; what do you think? I hope it's not too awful and that you don't hate me for not giving you more information ... but hey; maybe this way I can bribe you into leaving feedback -- with promising you a new chapter soon._


	2. The Truth I Tell Myself

**_Disclaimer _**_- see chapter 1)_

_Woot woot! REVIEWS! Yes, it IS that easy to make me happy. Thank you so much for your feedback ... even though I kind of bribed you to get it. Now here's the well deserved chapter 2.  
Thanks to Susan for betaing. I am impressed that you're still talking to me. ;o)_

* * *

Paying the cab driver, she looked at her watch, wincing. It was too late.  
She cursed under her breath, walking towards the front door.

It was Friday. She hated the doctors for giving her an appointment on a Friday. Especially for giving her an appointment Friday afternoon. She felt groggy. She always did after the treatment. They said it's normal. She knew that. How she had wanted to scratch that stupid doctor's eyes out for his comment. But she didn't even have enough strength to do _that_.

She was not in the mood to search for her keys, so she decided to ring the door bell.

"Yes?" The tall blonde looked at her with expectant eyes.

She had only begun working for them today and Emily already was annoyed with her.  
Even worse; she didn't move aside to let her in. Her big greenish eyes just kept staring at her. She could almost have sworn she could see the back of this woman's head through them.

"Could you be so kind as to step aside, Else?" She sighed, trying to glare at the girl.

She still did not move. "I'm sorry, but..."

This time, her anger gave her a little of her strength back. "Else. If you don't know who I am, I swear to God we will switch sides of the door and I'm going to slam it right in your face."

Else's eyes widened in shock as she realized who was standing before her. "Oh, I'm sorry, Ma'am."

Finally being let in, Emily shrugged off her coat, trying not to move her arm too much. Soon she would have to get an SVC catheter. Then she would not be able to hide it any longer, as she could now, with long sleeves.  
She shivered at the thought of having tubes coming out of the base of her neck.

Stepping into the living room, she froze. "Lorelai."

"Hi Mom." Her daughter turned her head towards her, smiling at her.

Richard stood up from where he had been sitting opposite their daughter and walked towards her. "Ah, Emily. I had just told Lorelai that you would be back any minute. Did you have a good time at the Todds'?"

She gave him a bewildered look as she tried to collect her thoughts, quickly snapping out of it. "Oh yes, it was lovely."

"Yeah, how is Sweeney?" Lorelai grinned.

Furrowing her brow, Emily looked at her daughter. "I beg your pardon?"

"A joke, Mom." She spoke through her teeth. Something was off. Even her mother should have gotten that reference. If not for the recent Johnny Depp movie then at least for the classic Broadway hit.

"Lorelai told me that she wanted to get here early, because she has to leave right after dinner." He steadied his wife, hoping their daughter wouldn't see it.

Emily tried to regain her composure, muttering, "Why is it I have the strong feeling that's not the real reason?"

She hadn't meant for Lorelai to hear her comment, but she had. "Geez, Mom, you most certainly know how to make me feel good."

Gingerly sitting down, Emily had the feeling she had to defend herself. "Well, you don't mean to tell me you suddenly like spending time with us so much that you couldn't bear the thought of not spending at least 3 hours with us instead of just having to sit through dinner and jump up as soon as we're done."

She watched her daughter roll her eyes animatedly. "No, Mom, I actually planned on letting my fork fall and make a run for the door the second you finished your dessert."

"Your spoon," she countered.

Lorelai furrowed her brow in confusion. "What?!"

"You'd let your spoon fall, since we're supposed to be eating pudding tonight." She shrugged, her eyebrows raised.

Her daughter was still confused. "Pudding?"

Fearing what would come next, Emily stood up. "Never mind. I think I will skip dinner. Your accusations have given me a headache."

The younger Gilmore woman followed her immediately when she saw her heading out of the room. "The last time we had pudding was years ago, Mom. Why pudding?"

"It doesn't matter anymore now, since we won't be having it." Emily did not turn as she made her way toward the staircase. If only she could shake her daughter off, she might be able to keep her secret for another week.  
It would be wrong to tell her now; now that they both were annoyed with one another.

It was not the way she had planned it. She had planned on telling her daughter in a quiet moment, preferably over one of her favorite desserts; hence the pudding.

"What? Wait! Mother!?" She quickened her steps. "Pudding is a special treat."

"It is not a special treat. It's a dessert," her mother spat.

"Oh, yes it is. In this house pudding is a special treat. You hate pudding. You would rather sit through three hours of Dad's silly golf tournaments than to eat pudding." Lorelai gestured wildly.

She almost bumped into her mother as she turned on her heels, shaking her finger in her face.

"Leave your father out of this!" Emily glared at her daughter before continuing walking.

Lorelai once again tried to prove her point. "You don't like pudding. Dad doesn't like pudding. The fact you are serving pudding makes this day a special day, because it is a special treat. Why is this day special?"

"There is nothing special about today." Emily's voice got dangerously high. She did not feel strong enough to face Lorelai's outburst.

Her daughter was shouting now. "There must be; we're having _pudding_!"

"I will not listen to your ranting any longer."

"Last Friday you stopped drinking alcohol; this Friday we are having pudding. What the hell is wrong with you, mother?!" Her tone matched the one of her Mom.

Emily lifted her hand in defiance, her eyes fixed on the landing. Just a few more steps. "I will not discuss this."

Seeing her turn towards the stairs, Lorelai yelled. "Talk to me, mother. Tell me what you're hiding." She grabbed her mothers arm forcefully, taken aback when she saw the woman grimace in pain, gasping.  
Feeling liquid soaking the silk under her fingertips, she looked down at her hand, pulling back immediately as blood colored the fine material a deep crimson. "Mom?" Her voice shook slightly. She saw the unshed tears in her mother's angry eyes, instinctively taking a step back.

Emily's palm was pressed against her forearm, covering the re-opened wound of today's dialysis.  
"If you excuse me now, I'd like to lie down." Her voice was low, her jaw muscles clenched as she tried to hold her emotions in check.

"Mom, please."

Her daughter called after her, the emotion in her voice causing her to stop on the staircase. Not turning around, she just moved her head to look over her shoulder, standing still.

Lorelai slowly stepped towards the foot of the stairs, her eyes fixed on her mother's profile, "Please." She watched the other woman's shoulders sag slightly, her eyes closed.

"Just let it go, Lorelai." Finally turning, she forced herself to look into her daughter's eyes.

"Why don't you just trust me?" She couldn't hold back the tears that colored her voice. "Why can't you, just for once in your life, get past that damn pride of yours and show me that I mean anything to you! Why must you hide things from me?"

"I don't want your pity, that's why," Emily spat before she had time to think about what she was saying.  
The accusing look on her daughter's face made her angry enough to rant on, not even hearing her husband's warning. "It wouldn't change anything about the fact that I am ill, and it wouldn't change anything about my being on medication to keep the pain at a bearable level. What did you want me to do? Invite you to dinner, telling you 'Oh, by the way I have a kidney dysfunction and will die without a transplant, now please pass the potatoes'?"

Lorelai's jaw dropped. "Mom..." Her mother didn't stop.

"No, I didn't want that. I didn't want anybody to know. _Especially_ not you and Rory. But you couldn't leave it alone! You never do what you're told. You never listen to me and now you, who insult my life, insult my personality and everything I believe in, have the nerve to walk up to me and say that it's _my_ fault? That you deserve the truth? Well, my girl, now you know it and now I am asking you: Do you feel better?"

There was a long silence between them.

Emily stared at her daughter's face, anger still burning in every fiber of her being. It slowly ebbed away, the realization of what she had just said dawning on her.

She hadn't thought about her words. She had been too angry to do so. How she hated her temper and the fact that Lorelai knew her well enough to know how to raise it.  
Her voice shook ever so slightly when she found it again, "Now if you will please leave me alone. I am tired and I'd like to go to bed."

Without a word Lorelai turned around and got her coat, not looking back as she left the house of her parents.

* * *

_Yes, well. It's not the longest chapter, I know. But I needed to make a break here. You will see once I post the next -again short- chapter. But first to answer your reviews:  
_

_Valerie  
I'm glad you like the beginning. Thanks for your lovely review and I hope you liked this chapter as much as the last. :o)_

_caramelapples  
lol Yes, a chapter story. Good thing I could brighten your 'crappy day' a bit. :o)_

_Mrs. Lucas McDreamy  
There you go. :o) Want more? ;o)_

_Miss GoodManners  
happy grin You're thorough. I like that. :oD  
I'm happy you're happy. And I'm happy I got a rELLIEview. ;o)  
I think L & E came a long way since the first season and since this story is set after S7, 'my' Lorelai might care a tad more than the one we saw on screen. I just hope I won't get her OOC. But I'm sure you'd point that out to me. :o)  
Emily is ... Emily. Or at least I hope so. You're right, she always keeps her secrets but wants to know EVERYthing about EVERYbody else.  
Well, I tend to make Richard more of the ideal husband than he was on screen. But I can't help it. That's the way I see him. When she needs him, he's there. I'm just glad you like him. :o)  
Oh and I am proud of that phone call being 'typically GG' :oD. Thanks!_

_swimmerluver  
Muahaha! My evil plan worked. Well, now that the cat is out of the bag ... I hope you will keep reviewing ;o)._

_Loridhhp  
Hmm... I think you're new. Are you? Well, welcome to my story. ;o). I hope you'll enjoy your stay.  
The reason I sometimes do and sometimes don't use contractions when people are speaking is because of the way the word/s are pronounced in it. You know how Emily sometimes lays stress on a "not", so I can't write "don't" but have to write "do not" for instance. It's really just because of how I hear them say it in my head.  
I am glad you keep on reading anyway and I hope that you enjoyed the new chapter. :o)_

_B. Alex Milligan  
wicked grin Yes, it was not nice of me to end it there. But hey: 14 reviews speak for themselves. ;o)  
So... were you surprised? I had this story in the back of my head for a long time now and I never thought I would be able to write it. But now I have read a lot about it and I think I can do it.  
Happy that I made her tell her already?  
... Drink some coffee and review! ;o)_

_Emily-RichardFan  
Thanks for the pile of compliments! You really lifted my spirits for the whole day. :oD_

_Monarules  
Awww. I'm blushing. I hope you liked the new chapter. And there is more to come. :o)_

_LorLukealways  
Hmm... Alzheimers ... now there's another story worth telling. Ghah!! Ideas forming ... must suppress ... have to finish this first! ;o)  
Anybody else up for the challenge? No really, Alzheimer would have been interesting to read & write too!  
I can't even pronounce the other illness you proposed, so... shrugging shoulders  
And yes: The pain could have been from ANYthing. That's what I liked about it. evil snickers  
I'm glad you think it's not too AU. I am trying to keep them in character as much as I can. Sometimes I'll have to bend them a little, but that's fan fiction. ;o)  
I hope you liked the new chapter and will keep on reading._

_ejl  
Thanks for the review. I hope this chapter wasn't too much of a let down. :o)_

_Eva Gabor is Awesome  
Well, was your hunch right? What did you think it would be? If it wasn't what it turned out to be ... you could always write your own story ... 0:o). I would read it. ;o)_

_Emily&Richard4ever  
My, two reviews for one chapter. lol  
First one first: Yes, Lorelai was a bit of a jerk. But it wasn't that bad and then... she has the best intentions.__As for the secone one: Nope, no cancer. I am evil, but not that evil._

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	3. I Promise Myself

**_Disclaimer_**_  
See chapter 1._

* * *

White walls, harsh lights, much too bright, grey curtains adding nothing but yet another layer between the black night and white interior...

Lorelai took a deep breath, regretting it when the smell found its way into her nose. Hospitals. How she hated them. She couldn't remember one time she had liked being at a hospital. Lying in a bed that wasn't her own. The starched linen uncomfortable on her skin.

She opened the door to a room and quietly closed it behind her. There was her father, sitting on a chair next to the bed in which his wife lay. The monotone beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound in the room.

She walked over to them, smiling when she saw her father holding her mother's hand in his, letting his thumb brush over her soft skin.

"Hey," she whispered, hoping not to startle him.

He looked up, smiling sadly at her, his reddened eyes telling her that he hadn't slept much even though they had sent him home yesterday.

"How is she today?" Lorelai looked at her mother's pale face. It looked eerily calm, so different from the feisty woman she knew.

Her father's voice was hoarse as he answered, both not taking their eyes off the woman in bed, "She's been sleeping a lot."

She nodded and both fell quiet.

A few moments later Richard took a deep breath and stood up slowly. "Excuse me for a moment." Gently placing his wife's hand on top of the other, he looked at his daughter. "Please call me if she wakes up."

She felt herself nod and sat down in the now empty chair, pulling it closer to her mother's bedside, subconsciously recognizing the sound of the door as it was being closed.

She looked at the once flawless hand, almost as white as the sheets it was lying on, not sure if she should take it. It had black spots from where the doctors had placed the IV.  
They had removed it later, when they brought her back to the room.

"Lorelai?"

Her head snapped up at the sound of her name being whispered tiredly. Seeing her mother's eyes slightly opened, she forced a smile to her lips, "Hey Mom."

Emily's face showed the ghost of a smile as she closed her eyes again for a moment.

"I'll go and get Dad." She placed both hands on the bed to get up, stopping in her tracks when her mother covered her hand with hers.

"Don't." Emily squeezed her daughter's hand lightly, her eyes begging her. "Please."

A fresh batch of tears welled up in Lorelai's eyes at the emotion in her voice. She sounded so desperate. Sitting back down, she covered her mother's hand with her own, "Okay."

Emily had a hard time filling her lungs with air. Trying to concentrate on her breathing, she didn't let go of her daughter's hand.  
It was time.  
"I need you to do me a favor." Her voice was low; it took a lot of energy to form words. Too much. Emily felt her stomach contract, knowing that she should stop but couldn't, the pain causing her to furrow her brow slightly as she tried to hide it.

Lorelai nodded, seeing her mother's respiration getting wavy. She bit her lip. "Mom, you should relax."

Turning her head, Emily glared at her, "I can't."

It was almost as if her mother was back to normal. For a second she hoped she would stay this strong, but at the same time she knew it was wishful thinking. "Okay." She brushed an errant strand of hair from the woman's forehead. It felt so natural to do, she didn't even think about it.

A grateful smile appeared on her mother's face as she forced herself to calm down enough to go on. "I need you to take care of your father." She looked at the woman in front of her, suddenly seeing the little girl she used to be as something in her eyes changed. She understood.  
"There is a hope chest." It got harder to breath. "In the attic."

Lorelai fought the tears she felt burning behind her eyes as she listened to her mother panting for air between the words.

"Your father doesn't know about it."

She nodded again, staying quiet. It was not the time for questions.

"He mustn't see it. But you should." She smiled mildly as a tear ran down her only child's cheek. "It holds my past."

Lorelai watched her mother smiling, tears spilling over, running down her temples to disappear into her once vibrant auburn hair.

"Everything I am, everything I was; it's in there." She closed her fingers around her daughter's hand. "Even your grandmother's letter."

Lorelai understood. Her mother had secrets, things she hid even from her father. Nodding, she stayed quiet, silent tears forcing their way down her cheeks, blurring her view. She didn't bother to brush them away.

"Your father is a good man. Stubborn. But loyal. He has many flaws. God knows he has." She smiled, her strength slowly leaving her. "I know he has." The tears felt hot against her skin. For once in her life she didn't care that she was crying in front of her daughter. She didn't want to hide anymore. Never again.

"I need you to promise me." She looked deep into her child's eyes. "Promise you will stand by him. No matter what."

Lorelai felt a lump in her throat, keeping her from speaking.

Her mother lifted her head slightly, the grip on her hand tightening as she whispered. "Promise."

Lorelai nodded and lowered her eyes, not able to keep looking at her. It was too painful to see her like this.

Emily let her head sink back down on the pillow, closing her eyes for a moment. Glancing back at her daughter, she smiled weakly. "Lorelai?"  
She needed her to look into her eyes. Her daughter seemed to sense it, their eyes finally meeting again. "I love you."

"Mom, I..." She didn't want to hear it. She knew her mother would not say it without a good reason and she didn't want her to have one just yet.

"Shhh." Emily shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry." Her voice became quieter.

Lorelai moved her face closer to her mother's, in order not to miss a word.

"If only we both had been less stubborn," she whispered, closing her eyes, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards for a second.  
Even smiling was taking too much strength. "I want you to know …," Emily swallowed hard. "… that I am proud of you." Sliding her hand out from between her daughter's she tried to reach up to cup her cheek.

Sensing what her mother wanted, Lorelai took her hand and pressed her palm against her cheek, closing her eyes. It felt so good to be touched by her like this.  
She suddenly remembered the last time her mother had touched her face. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"I always have been."

When the heart monitor started making a different beeping sound, Lorelai's eyes snapped towards it before she gave her mother a questioning look. "Mom?"

Smiling up at her daughter, she shook her head slightly. "Don't."

She bit her lip hard, tasting blood. She wouldn't leave. Her mother didn't want her to go.

"Tell your father..."

When she didn't say more Lorelai looked back at her. Emily's face looked strangely relaxed.  
"Mom?" Panic grabbed her, "MOM!"

"NO!!" Sitting up in bed, Lorelai panted heavily, looking around. It had been a dream, but the fear and pain she had felt were still there. She tried to calm her breathing, her hair sticking to her sweaty face.

It took a while to calm down enough to get back to reality. It had been a nightmare, she told herself over and over again. Lying back down, she stared up at the ceiling.

Tomorrow she would go and see a doctor to find out if it was possible to donate her kidney to her mother.

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_YAY! Reviews!! Thank you SO MUCH everybody!!_

_gilmore fan  
I'm glad you like it :o)_

_Mary  
HEY!! Great to have you back!!__You're right, she is a very proud woman and I am not sure how understanding Lorelai will be. I mean, I have to keep her in character and you know how she is when it comes to her mother.__You're right about Emily ending up being madder at herself than anyone else - okay, except at her maids #lol#.  
Keep your fingers crossed. ;o)_

_Valerie  
Being late is okay. I'm glad you found the time to review, you know I live on them. ;o)  
I think you're right about the maid being lucky. We know Emily. #giggles#__Yes, Lorelai should not have grabbed her so hard. But hey, their relationship is rather difficult and it was the only way I could think of to make Emily finally tell her what's going on._

_B. Alex Milligan  
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such language, young lady! ;o)  
#lol# You're so much fun to read ... and the coffee influence was obvious. #giggles#_

_Tears4Chris  
Thank you. :o)_

_ejl  
I'm really relieved that you weren't disappointed. :o)__You're SO right about the defense mechanism. I don't know whether or not 'my' Lorelai is going to realize it at any point, but I sure wish it would be possible without getting her OOC.__ I know this was short, but I'll try to get the next chapter up asap. I won't let Rory find out that soon, but she has to at some point.  
Stay tuned. ;o)_

_swimmerluver  
#Pfew#! It sometimes is really hard to keep them in character.  
And hey, it wouldn't be Emily if she wouldn't have regretted her words immediately. ;o)_

_Eva Gabor is Awesome  
I'm proud of you! :oD_

_morzsa__  
Muahahaha! Yes, a kidney transplant. Well, you're going to find out more soon. I have been busy studying websites about kidney failure and donation to make sure to get this down as accurate as possible. But it will take a little time._

_mrs lucas mcdreamy__Rory is going to find out at some point. But I can't have her mom or grandma call her and tell her 'by the way...' so I to wait until she's home._

_Monarules  
Thanks for the compliment! Well, I am sorry this was so short but I will be back with more soon._

_mudgielovesgilmoregirls  
Thank you!_

_LorLukealways__I think the way she ended up telling her was the only way I could make her without getting either of them OOC. Yes, Lorelai only wanted to find out what was wrong, but just like she would have in the show, she blamed her mother for not trusting her. I actually had a little 'Max' flashback when writing that part. ;o)  
I'm glad you liked it though._

_Loridhhp  
Thank you! It's good to hear I got them in character. I just hope I'll keep them that way. #lol#  
Yes, Lorelai does care about her mother. You could see that in later seasons. I think they really came a long way in the show, even though I wish there would have been more. Oh well, who doesn't. ;o)  
Wow, I got you on the edge of your seat? I'm proud of myself!!  
Glad to got you so hooked. I just hope I'll live up to it in the next chapters. Oh well, I'm sure you'll tell me. ;o)_


	4. Tomorrow, There'll Be Sun

**_Disclaimer _**_- see chapter 1)_

_Let's go straight to the 'fun'. I give you: Chapter 4!  
_

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She lay on the bed, the darkness a soft blanket over her stressed features as she stared into it.

She was torn between anger, fear and a strange kind of gratefulness. Curling up in a ball, she tried to analyze her feelings. Yes, she was grateful. Grateful for not having to hide anymore. Well, at least not from her family.  
She remembered the changes on her girl's face after she had realized what she had just told her.

Richard; she suddenly remembered stealing a side glance at her husband when he had walked after them. He had looked at her with eerily calm eyes.

Realizing for the first time that she was by herself, she smiled. He had known she would cry. And he had known she would not want him to be with her while she did it. How well he knew her.

Sliding off the bed, she smoothed her hands over her skirt, instantly reminded of the wound on her arm as she stretched it. Breathing a deep sigh, she decided to change into something more comfortable before going downstairs to give her husband a kiss for being so wonderful.

* * *

He sat on the couch in his study and stared blankly ahead. The ice in his scotch had already melted without his really noticing it.

Richard remembered the emotions in his wife's dark eyes when she had looked at him as their only child had turned around and quietly walked out of their house without looking back. An eerie déjà vu.  
Even though the situation had been completely different, the feeling was the same. The uncertainty about whether she would come back.

Hearing the door being opened, he did not bother to look up, knowing who it was as she slowly walked over to where he was sitting.

He downed the warm, watery drink, grimacing at the taste while he felt her sitting down next to him. Bending forward to put his glass down on the table, he placed his elbows on his knees and turned his head to look into her tired eyes.

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

Emily leaned to the side, resting her cheek against his shoulder, taking a deep breath. "That wasn't planned." She felt him kissing her hair.

"I know."

They sat in silence for another moment before Richard shifted his weight, leaning back against the couch, waiting for her to place her head on his chest while he snuck his arm around her shoulders.

Snuggling up against him, she pulled her legs up on the couch, sitting on her side, her hand gently rubbing over his heart before she tucked it under her cheek. "Thank you," she whispered, closing her eyes.

Hugging her closer, he nodded, not quite sure why she thanked him.  
Maybe he would ask her later. For now he would only presume that she thanked him for leaving her alone when she needed it and for being there when she had decided she wanted him to be. It was something he had stopped doing for a while, but though he knew he was forgiven, he would never forget what he had done to her.

She tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall, cursing herself for them. She had cried when she had been alone in the bedroom, but she would not cry again. His hand was soothingly rubbing her back when she sniffed. She would not break down. Not again. She had to be strong. It would be unfair of her to cry now; he had enough on his mind as it was.

Pulling her to him, he made her sit across his lap, her face buried in his neck.

"I'm sorry." Emily whispered, hating herself for being unable to keep the tears at bay.

He hugged her closer, feeling his heart going out to her. "It's okay." Richard felt tears burning behind his eyes.  
He felt so helpless, almost lost. He knew Emily needed him to comfort her but at the same time his own hurt and fears nagged at him. It was hard to be strong.

Sitting up straight, she wiped her eyes. "Richard?"

He brushed her hair back, tucking it behind her ear. "Yes, dear?"

"I'm so scared." She looked him straight in the eye. It felt strange to be so blunt. Tears spilled over when she smiled at the emotion-filled look he gave her, but she did not bother to brush them away.

Leaning forward, Richard kissed her gently, wrapped his arms around her, and sighed. "Me too," he admitted. Closing his eyes, he felt a hot tear running down his cheek as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

She was glad he had told her the truth. Sliding her arms around his neck, she hugged him tightly.  
They had promised to be frank with each other when it came to her illness. Emily remembered vividly the terrible fight that had led to that promise.  
It had been right after the first time the doctors had told them they weren't sure how long she would survive without a donor.

She hugged him as tightly as she could, feeling his embrace tightening as well. "Come to bed," she whispered in his ear, kissing his neck. Breathing in his scent was strangely calming. It was good to know that he was here, even if neither of them could change the situation.

Feeling him nodding against her shoulder, she pulled away, looking into his eyes when he stopped her from standing up.

"What about dinner?"

She suddenly realized she had not eaten anything since shortly before she had left for the hospital earlier today. Combing her hand through his hair, she shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat." His eyes showed the concern he tried to hide.

Emily took a deep breath and sighed. He was right. He was right, and she could tell by the look in his eyes that it was important to him that she'd eat something now. "All right."

Thinking it over, she came up with an idea. "I'll eat something. But I don't want dinner. I don't want three courses, and I don't want to sit in the dining room." Giving him her trademark pout, she smiled when he rolled his eyes.

"All right, all right. You win."

Her smile widened. "I always do." Kissing him lightly, she felt his hand brushing over the outside of her thigh.

"You're evil." His voice was a low growl that made her giggle.

Resting her head against his shoulder, she buried her face in his neck. "I am glad you let me get away with it."

"What makes you so certain I do?" He teased back.

"You love me too much to say no."

Chuckling, he hugged her. "You have a point there."

Emily sat up straight again. "I'm glad you see it that way." Kissing him lightly, she stood up and held out her hand to him.

Taking it, he stood up as well, letting her lead him out of the room.

* * *

Sitting in bed, Emily waited for Richard to get back from the kitchen.  
He had talked her into changing into her pajamas and having dinner in bed, even though she had complained about it. She remembered the way he had silenced her with a single kiss. It still lingered on her lips, and she wished she were not so damn tired.  
Maybe she would wake up early enough tomorrow to thank her husband for taking care of her so well. She would definitely try.

Looking in the direction of the door when she heard it being opened, she smiled at him as he carried a tray over to the bed. "I thought you'd never come back."

He walked to his side of the bed, slipped out of his shoes, and put the tray down in the middle of the bed.

"Sandwiches?" She looked at him with raised eyebrows. "It took you _this_ long to get us _sandwiches_?"

"No; it took me this long to _make_ them."

Her jaw dropped before a smile slowly spread across her face. "You made me sandwiches?" Her voice showed surprise and delight, her eyes sparkling.

Richard felt himself blush at the look in her eyes, deciding to tease her. "Well, I thought if I made them myself you'd be more likely to eat them." He leaned over and kissed her gently.

"And you said I am the one with the evil streak." She winked.

"Oh you are." He grinned, quickly adding, "That's why we make such a lovely couple."

Taking a bite, she licked a bit of mayonnaise from the corner of her mouth and grinned at him. "I will let you get away with that, mainly because this is really delicious." She pointed at the sandwich.

Smiling, he handed her a napkin and took the other half of the sandwich. "Thank you."

They ate in silence, both following their own trails of thought.

Watching Richard stand up, she raised her brow when he took the tray before she had finished eating. "Where are you going?"

He headed for the door, stopping by her side of the bed to give her a quick peck on the cheek. "I will get us some soup."

Looking after him, her voice showed her confusion. "Soup?" Emily called after him as he walked out of the door. "Why would we be having soup after we just had sandwiches? … Richard? … Richard?!"  
Huffing in frustration, she glared at the wall, deciding to do the only thing she had left to do: eat the rest of her sandwich.

* * *

Staring up at the ceiling, Lorelai listened to the even breathing of the man sleeping next to her.  
She was glad that he had been there when she had woken up in the middle of the night and did not know where to go, once again grateful for his talent in calming her down.  
She had been so upset after she had left her parents' house. Calling Rory had been out of the question. She could not tell her on the phone.

It had been stupid enough not to go to Luke right away, but to try to go to sleep as if nothing had happened? After the nightmare, she had not been able to calm down. Running to the diner in her pajamas, she had almost broken the door before he had let her in.

Feeling a tear running down her temple, she swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat.

How she wished she could sleep. But she was afraid that if she closed her eyes she would have another nightmare. Turning her head to the side, she studied his face. At least he was sleeping next to her. For a moment she was tempted to snuggle up against him, but she did not want to wake him, so she decided against it.

Her mother's words repeated themselves over and over again in her head.  
_'I don't want your pity'_.  
Was it pity she felt? Maybe. No. Why should she feel pity for her mother? Because she would die. Even thinking about it made her heart ache. Why did it hurt so much? She was not that connected to her mother. What would change if the woman who had given her life were to stop being?

She had caused so much trouble in the past. All those times when she had found a way to interfere with Lorelai's life. The times she had butted in, been there without being asked.  
She suddenly remembered the times her mother indeed had been there without being asked. The co-signing of the loan. The night she had shown up on her porch to tell her what a marriage was about. The time they had drunk together and she had actually told her she'd be fine without a husband.  
Lorelai had even gotten a little kayak pendant for Christmas after that night.  
Friday Night dinners. Teaming up against her father when he had teased her mother about this guy what's-his-name for undressing her with his eyes. She had to smile at the memory.

No, her mother was not a bad person.

Well, she had known that before, but now that she had to face that she could actually lose her, she became more aware of the influence this woman had had on her.  
It had not all been bad. It had not all been good either, but in the last years they had had their moments. Moments in which Lorelai had been able to see more in her mother than the cold-hearted woman that had made her feel like a prisoner in her own home.

Now that she had had to let go of Rory, she felt how hard it was to let go of one's own flesh and blood. And it must have been much worse for her mother, because for her it had been much more sudden.

She felt sorry for her. Yes, sorrow. Not pity. There was a huge difference. They were kind of the same thing, but feeling sorry was a lot better than pitying someone.  
Pitying someone meant that you felt sorry but could not help or did not want to help.  
Feeling sorry was more sincere. And maybe she _could_ do something.  
Closing her eyes, she sighed. She would do something. There had to be a way. Some way.

Any way!

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_Hey folks! YAY!! Reviews!! #does the happy dance#!! Let me answer you, shall I?  
_

_caramelapples  
Thanks, little Apple. I am glad that you found the time to review in between all those dreadful papers you have to write._

_Miss GoodManners  
You know, I think I'll always wait for you to find the time to review before posting another chapter #evil snickers# ... What? I just LIKE my rELLIEviews!  
And by the way: It was a great gift! Thanks again!!  
I'm actually glad that I was able to stir such deep emotions within you with the last chapter. It makes me proud. :oD!  
Every time I read your review I start grinning in circles._

_Loridhhp  
THANK YOU!!  
Well, I could not bring myself to NOT make it a dream. I was close to letting Emily wake up in her bed too, but then I thought that would be too over the top.  
I think deep in her mind Lorelai is afraid to lose her mother; she just doesn't want to admit it yet. Not even to herself. Believe me: The time will come... just give me another ... 20 chapters or so ;o).  
I'll try to get them to talk to each other... but again: You will have to wait, because I intend to try to keep them in character as much as possible.  
Yes, life and death experiences shake up your world and change you, but we've seen them through both of Richard's heart attacks and how they reacted there, so that were life and death experiences too... oh well, we'll see. (And I MEAN "we" and not you, because I myself don't really know where I end up with this either. I have the outlines but everything else is still completely open.)  
I am sorry I have not yet checked your chapter stories but I am rather busy. You got reviews on the one-shots, remember? ;o)_

_Eva Gabor is Awesome  
-insert wicked-witch-of-the-east-laughter here- Yes, I'm mean. But hey: I gave you a reason to snuggle them! Be grateful. ;o)_

_swimmerluver  
I scared you? ... Wow, I'm GOOD! Thank you so much for the huge compliment. I'm sorry for scaring you though... a little. 0:o)  
I will definitely check out your story, I just don't know when I'll find the time yet._

_so freakin tired Branda  
I hope you're well-rested now.  
So... it was insane? Yessssssss - I had you in tears! My life is good. #giggles# Okay that sounded cruel.  
Yes, you got me -- I would not leave such a huge gap between chapters. #hands you cookie#. I am awaiting your next, even better, review ;o)._

_Emily&Richard4ever  
#lol# My, I really did a good job with scaring people... I should have waited till Halloween. ;o)  
About the sequel to the Silver Fox: Maybe I'll write one. But right now I'm more focusing on this story._

_mrs lucas mcdreamy  
#hands you tissues# I'm glad I made it believable enough for you to buy it. And then: Who doesn't love head-cinemas ;o)._

_RedheadLVR  
Thank you so much. You're new, are you? Well, I am glad that you liked it so much and that it touched you the way it did._

_ejl  
I think Lorelai still needs to come a long way, but it was a step in the right direction. We know from the few times she has shown it on screen that she does care for her mother... they just don't speak the same language... but they do care. Both of them. Deeply.  
I don't know if I will provide you with a resolution to their feelings, but I will try. You're right about the show not giving us one... I wish there had been more E/L!_

_Mary  
I'm sorry I scared you... but it's so much fun 0:o).  
Come on - I LOVE Emily! I would not kill her off! ... At least not in the first few chapters. ;o)  
The cedar chest ... hmm ... oh! Right! Yes, I think I remember that story too. Well, I did not intend for it to be like that, but I really want Emily to have something like that._

_Valerie  
Awwwww. You're such a sunshine! I told you thank you in our chats, but: THANK YOU! I like my reVALs. No matter whether they're in English or German. ;o)_

_LorLukealways  
Well, I am a huge fan of Emily and actually ... I'm glad it was a dream too ;o)  
_


	5. Morning Has Broken

**_Disclaimer _**_- see chapter 1)_

_Another week's over and I finally found the time to update! Sorry I let you wait so long, but I hope you think it's worth it.  
I know I didn't thank my beta in the head of every chapter but she surely deserves it. So take a moment and give **Susan** a standing ovation for her dedication. I'm sorry that I jumped in your face the other day. I couldn't do this without you.  
_

* * *

Waking up slowly, she realized there was a pair of arms securely wrapped around her.

Her head was resting against his chest as she lay half on top of him, her hand lying limply next to her face. Not lifting her head, she looked up, trying to find out whether he was awake.

"Good morning." His low voice greeted her tired ears.

Brushing her hand over his heart, she smiled against his chest while she snuggled back against him, closing her eyes. "Good morning."

She looked towards the drawn curtains, furrowing her brow when she saw some faint beams of light making their way into the room. "How late is it?"

Shifting to look at the alarm clock, he took a deep breath, settled back, and kissed her hair. "About twenty past eight."

Her eyes widened. "What?!" She tried to sit up, but he tightened his arms around her. "Richard?!" she protested.

"Relax, Emmy." He gently brushed his hand up and down her back. "I took the day off, and you don't have any appointments until noon."

Opening her mouth to say something, she closed it again, processing the information given her. "You took the day off?" Emily moved her head to look up at him.

"Mhm." He smiled, combing his fingers through her auburn hair.

She furrowed her brow slightly. "Why?"

"You mean 'when?'," he teased.

"No, I mean … well, yes, when?" She was visibly confused.

Rolling her over on her back, he propped himself up on one elbow, smiling down on her. "While you were asleep."

"Which still leads me to 'why?'." She shrugged.

Gently brushing her hair out of her face, he watched his finger as it followed her hair line. "Because I thought after all the excitement yesterday evening it would be nice to spend some time together."

"You're awful." Emily smiled.

"You mean as in 'awful nice to be with'."

She had to giggle. "Well, that too."

"Awful sweet to have and hold." Richard bent his head to croon in her ear.

Pushing her hand against his chest, she laughed. "You're not Frank Sinatra."

"I'm glad I'm not." He kissed the side of her neck.

"You are?" Lifting her shoulder to shield her neck from him, she pushed him away to look in his eyes.

Richard smiled. "Yes, I am." When she gave him a questioning look, he shrugged. "If I were he, I would not be married to you."

"And that would be a pity." She winked.

Nodding, he kissed her gently, mumbling against her lips. "It would kill me."

Something in the way he said it changed her mood drastically. Gazing deep in his eyes, she shook her head slightly, her voice not more than a whisper. "Don't talk like that."

His heart contracted at the desperation in her eyes. Trying to smile, he bent down to give her a soul-searching kiss that left her breathless. "I love you, Emmy."

"I love you, Richard." She hugged him close, burying her face in his neck.

Kissing her hair, he took a deep breath. "So... shall we get up and get breakfast or would you prefer to stay in bed with me." He playfully pinched her bottom.

"Hey!" Emily jumped slightly at his unforeseen action. Looking up at him, she giggled. "You're being unfair."

"No, I'm not." He shook his head and kissed her again, pressing her down on the mattress.

"Richard?" She giggled again as he nuzzled her neck. "Richard." Pushing him away, her eyes beamed up at him. "I don't think I'm up for that."

"What? Kissing?" He teased.

"No…?"

Bending down again, he brushed his lips across her cheek. "Good." He kissed his way down her jaw bone, nibbling her earlobe.

Emily closed her eyes, enjoying his attention. Feeling his hand brushing over her stomach and sliding under her pajama top, she smiled. Maybe she could keep up with him... for a while.

* * *

Standing behind the front desk, Lorelai stared blankly ahead, the phone against her ear as she listened to the monotone beeping while she waited for the other person to pick up.

"Hartford Hospital, how may I help you?"

Startled by the chipper voice on the other end of the line, Lorelai instinctively pushed the end-call button and put the phone down on the counter with a loud bang.

"If you keep doing that, we're either going to need a new phone or a new desk soon," Michel's voice showed the usual trace of bored annoyance as he walked by.

Huffing, Lorelai glared at his back. She needed coffee. Now.

Sookie was about to chop some carrots when her friend brushed past her, obviously heading for the coffee machine. "Hey." Not receiving an answer, she walked over to where Lorelai was standing, refilling her mug. "Hey. You." She playfully poked her, startled when the dark haired woman jumped at her touch. "Whoa. Aren't we touchy today."

"Sorry Sook." She closed her eyes, sighing. "I just... I found out something that I have to think about."

"Oh, uhm. Okay." The stout woman shrugged. "Hey, if you need to talk …" Pointing towards herself, she smiled.

"Yeah, I know. You'll be there." Lorelai returned her friend's smile.

"Good." Sookie nodded. "Oh!!" Her eyes suddenly widening, she spun around, quickly crossing the kitchen to stir something in a small pot.

Shaking her head, Lorelai hid her smile behind her mug, her thoughts returning to her original problem. Maybe she should talk to Sookie. Taking a deep breath, she sighed. Maybe not.

* * *

"Thank you for spending the morning with me." She looked at him from over her shoulder as he helped her with her coat.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come along to your luncheon?" Richard kissed the side of her head, sliding his arms around her.

Turning in his embrace, she smiled. "I don't think Polly and Barb would like that." She put her hands against his chest. "Even though I'd enjoy spending more time with you."

"I could pick you up afterwards," he offered.

Shaking her head, she smiled. "I'm getting there by car."

"Then I'll walk."

"Richard; it's over a mile away." She argued, her eyebrow raised.

Finally giving in, he sighed. "All right, all right." Kissing her forehead, he thought further. "Where do you go after lunch?"

Looking up at him, she cocked her head to the side. "You're not giving up easily, are you?"

"You should be used to that by now. Besides, I took the whole day off. I will get bored if you are not around to keep me entertained."

"Oh, so that's what it's really about," she mocked, her arms sliding up around his neck. Seeing him nod, his eyes sparkling with amusement, she thought about it. "You know, since I have to drive by the club to get to the restaurant, I could drop you off there. You could play a game of golf, and we'll meet in the lounge later."

"That sounds promising. Are you sure I won't interfere with your schedule?" He nodded, letting go of her.

Emily lifted herself up on her toes to give him a peck on the mouth and then took a step back. "Wasn't that the whole point?"

"You'd better be quiet now. I'm already tempted to keep you at home all day. Don't make me act on it."

Giggling, she turned around to walk toward the door while he quickly got his coat and followed her.

* * *

Lunch had been pleasant though Barb had raised a suspicious eyebrow at her choice of meal. It was getting harder to find places to go to that had meals on the menu that agreed with her diet without meeting the girls at the same places every time. Still, she managed.  
Polly had seemed oblivious even when Barb had made a rather blunt remark. To be sure, though, Emily made a mental note to call Polly in the next few days to find out for certain if she had just been polite or if she truly knew as little as Barb did. After all, Polly was anything but stupid.

Straightening up, Emily discarded the thought for now as she walked into the club lounge in search of her husband.  
She spotted him across the room, his back to her. He was sitting with two couples at a table near the picture window overlooking the tennis courts. Recognizing three of the four people, she smiled as she walked closer.

"Emily." Alice Freemond jumped off her seat, throwing her arms around her.

Startled for a moment, Emily did not even have the time to return her hug before she felt the woman pushing her back by her upper arms, eyeballing her. "You look pale, dear." The red-haired woman turned her pale blue eyes to her husband. "Doesn't she look pale, Nick?"  
Not giving the man the time to answer, she pushed Emily towards a chair. "Sit. Sit. We were just talking about the gala last week and... oh, I'm sorry, dear. I did not even give you the time to be introduced to Tiffany."

Emily looked at the petite blonde woman and smiled mildly. She was in her early twenties, the ring on her finger showing her martial status clearly; the diamond was so big it kept falling to the side, resting against her middle finger instead of just sitting on top of her ring finger.

"Raymond and she are going to be married next August. We just had a lovely match of tennis."

She looked across the table, smiling at the handsome young man who had inherited his father's freckles and his mother's eyes. "Congratulations, Raymond."

His full lips curled up. "Thank you." Gently taking his fiancée's hand, he was about to say more when his mother spoke again.

"Of course you're going to come to the wedding. We just began planning. Oh, this is going to be so wonderful. Tiffany and I are going to go search for a wedding dress tomorrow."

Emily had to suppress a giggle at the look on the young woman's face. She certainly was not as happy about that particular fact as her future mother-in-law.  
The sudden beeping of her wrist watch brought her out of her musings. Quickly turning it off, she looked around the small group and shrugged her shoulder apologetically. "If you'd excuse me for a moment."

"Oh, why, of course, Dear." Alice chirped, patting her forearm.

Forcing a smile, she tried to hide the physical pain the touch had brought with it. Getting up, she looked toward her husband, smiling, then took her purse and swiftly walked to the restroom.

She cursed herself for having forgotten the time. Looking around the room she was glad that there was nobody in sight as she took her pill box and a small bottle of water out of her purse. Looking back at the door, she quickly took out the pills from the compartment labelled 'noon' and downed them.

She was just about to put the water bottle back in her purse when she heard the door being opened.  
Quickly throwing the bottle in, she closed her purse, lifting her head to look in the mirror over the sink at the person who had entered the room.

Smiling shyly, Tiffany came closer, standing next to her. "Sorry."

"About what?" Emily asked, a little confused by the woman's behaviour. Had she seen something?

Stepping into the room, Tiffany walked over to stand next to Emily. "For coming in here like this."

"You're hiding?" She smiled knowingly.

The younger woman looked down. "Well, yes and no."

Chuckling lowly, Emily nodded. "Alice can be very ... well, you know her."

"Yes." Tiffany smiled, looking somewhat relieved. "It's not that I don't like her, it's just that she's such a ... 'hurricane' of a person."

"She is something of a hurricane, yes." Emily smiled. "It's just her way of telling you she likes you."

Tiffany looked up, her eyes widening slightly. "You think so?" she bubbled.

Nodding, Emily placed her hand on the girl's upper arm. "Believe me; I know. And there is something else I know." She waited a moment to make sure she had Tiffany's full attention, and then looked her deep in the eye. "If you don't want to go wedding gown shopping tomorrow, just tell her. She will understand."

"But she is so excited about it already. I don't want to turn her down."

"It's your decision. But if you don't learn to turn her down now, you will have her fussing over you for the whole length of your marriage." She shrugged and turned to leave. "Mark my words; the sooner you get this hurricane to calm down, the better for your marriage. Or do you want to wait until she has named your first born child and bought you the house right next to theirs?"  
Watching the young woman look down, she nodded, mumbling, "I thought so." Emily walked toward the door, leaving her to her wonderings.

* * *

Emily's schedule demanded that they leave soon after she came back.

After they had said their goodbyes and Richard had promised to meet Nick for a game of golf soon, they went to get the car.

Walking toward the dark Jag, Richard turned to his wife, holding out his hand. Wordlessly handing him the keys, she walked to the passenger door, waiting for him to open it for her before she gracefully slid in.

Closing her eyes she took a deep breath while her husband walked around the car, opening them seconds before she heard him sitting down on the driver's seat. She looked at him, watching as he readjusted the mirrors and seat, then catching his gaze.

Smiling at her, he took her hand. "You do look a bit pale." Richard saw her shrug and nodded. "So? Where can I take you?"

"The hospital." She looked straight ahead.

Studying her profile for a moment he furrowed his brow. "Again?"

Emily looked back at him. "They said they'd need to run a few more tests to see if they have to change my diet."

Nodding, he kissed her hand, then let go of it, starting the engine while she turned her head to stare out of the front window again.

* * *

She was clicking through some website on kidney diseases when Michel pulled Sookie towards the desk.

"Talk to 'er." He motioned towards a confused-looking Lorelai.

"Uhm. What?" Sookie gave him a strange look.

Lorelai frowned, "I'm with her here; what??"

"She's been sulking all day. Slamming the phone on the desk, not listening to me when I talk to 'er—"

"Why that's not really new." Sookie joked, but Michel went on as if he had not heard her remark, just shooting her a sour look.

"—And she's not 'ad more than three cups of coffee yet."

Sookie's eyes widened. "Really?" She looked at her friend. "Okay, honey; what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Lorelai answered a bit too quickly for it to be true. Realizing her mistake, she winced at the look on Sookie's face. When the two sets of eyes remained on her, she sighed in defeat. "My mom's ill."

"Oh, honey." Sookie rounded the desk to hug her while Michel just gave her a shocked look.

"That bad?" The stout woman searched her friend's teary eyes.

Nodding, she sniffed. Saying it out loud, the reality suddenly caught up to her. She could lose her mother. It stung more than she wanted to admit.

"Come with me."

She felt Sookie put her arm around her waist, guiding her toward her office.

Lorelai slumped down in her office chair and she sighed heavily. Looking up at her friend leaning against the desk, she saw concern clearly written on her face. Absently beginning to play with the sleeve of her blouse, she tried to put her feelings into words.

Sookie studied her face intently, waiting patiently for her to collect her thoughts.

"She said she would die without a donor." Lorelai was shocked at the sound of her own voice. She would not cry. Why should she? Her mother was still alive, right? No need to cry. They'd figure something out. Biting the inside of her cheek, she took a deep breath to calm herself. "I have been researching the web for information. I mean, it's not as if she said what exactly is wrong with her. All I know is that it has to do with her kidneys."

"And you want to find out if you can donate one." Sookie said. It was more a statement than an actual question, but still she searched her friend's eyes for a definite answer.

"Yeah." Lorelai nodded. "I wanted to get an appointment, but every time someone answers the phone I chicken out."

Gently patting Lorelai's shoulder, Sookie smiled compassionately. "Oh, honey. That's okay. Of course you're afraid."

"Well, I should not be. She wouldn't be." Her eyes widened when she realized what she had just said. Was it true? Well, she had not thought about it before she had said it, so it must be. Lorelai rolled her eyes at herself. If only Rory was here. _She_ was the one who had studied at Yale; she would be so much better at psychoanalyzing her.

"I'm sure she's scared. She's just…" Sookie tried to come up with a good explanation, "well, she's Emily." She shrugged, smiling apologetically.

Smiling at her friend, she already felt better. "Yeah, she is." Strangely enough, she really understood what Sookie had meant.

"Does Rory know?"

"No." Lorelai shook her head. "I can't bring myself to tell her over the phone. I mean, you know Rory. For some reason, she loves her Grandma, even though I still don't really understand why. She would move heaven and earth to get on the next plane to be here no matter if she could be of help or not. I don't want her to quit the job because of this. And I am pretty sure my Mom feels the same way about it."

Sookie nodded. Walking toward the door, she shook her finger in Lorelai's face. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

"What? Why?" She furrowed her brow in confusion.

A wide grin graced her friend's face. Still looking at Lorelai, she walked backwards to the door. "I will get you coffee and a phone and then we're going to call that doctor's office again. Oh, and this time _I_ will hold the phone. Michel is right. We don't want you to break it."

Before Lorelai could answer in any way, Sookie was gone. Rolling her eyes, she smiled. Maybe telling Sookie had not been that bad an idea.

* * *

_**Author's note**: Well, here we are. And of course now it's time to re-review. ... I like doing that. The only thing I like more is GETTING reviews. #hint,hint,hint#!!_

_Valerie  
Well, you're not really late ... this update is kind of late. I was just so busy.  
I'm glad I was able to convey the deep love of our fav couple.  
The thing with Lorelai is, that in the show we only heard her talk about the bad times, though I am SURE there were good times too.  
Thanks for you kind words!_

_Miss GoodManners  
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. It's going to take a little longer than you might like before hell breaks loose, but you'll have to wait & see ;o).  
So you could still feel the problem 'flying high above their heads'? Good. Wow, I really seem to be good #lol#. Yeah, call me Miss Low Selfesteem.  
I wanted a 'real' Emily & Richard moment and I'm really glad you liked it!  
The grin on my face got wider when reading the next part of your review. The quietness changed... I wanted it to. It's SO good to know it worked!  
I hope you're going to like the next chapters as much as you seemed to have liked chapter 4. Thanks for another lovely rELLIEview!_

_swimmerluver  
Thank you. I think you're going to have to wait for a Lorelai/Emily bonding moment, but there's most certainly going to be one. Just ... not yet. I need to use a decent time line. ;o)_

_LorLukealways  
Oh, now. She's not THAT spoiled. They have been through times where he completely abused her, you remember? Now that he knows she needs him, he just tries to be there. You could say that the 2nd heart attack changed him for the better. ;o)  
And then: Emily ALWAYS gets what she wants ... sooner or later.  
You have a point there about Lorelai getting it from her mother. There is a LOT of her mother in her. She just doesn't want to admit it.  
Luke doesn't know all. I am not a LL so I don't think there's going to be much of him there, but he's a strong secondary character, so I had to throw him in at some point. ;o)_

_gilmore fan  
Thank you so much! Sorry for the wait._

_Loridhhp  
You're right. It is very hard for her to break down in front of anybody. But it's most likely she'd let her guard down when with her husband. Especially in my little universe. ;o)  
I am trying to make her believable. We all know how much her pride gets in her way most of the time, but I think I found a way.  
Great explanation about Lorelai being afraid. I think you have a point there. Emily is just as afraid though and that's one of their main problem, I guess.  
These two are a lot alike. They are stubborn, proud and often cover their pain with anger.  
You can't see where I'm taking this? ... I think I'll take that as a compliment. ;o)_

_Eva Gabor is Awesome  
#lol# True. You can snuggle them constantly.  
Thanks for the compliment. I think it's their way to not think about what might happen in the future. They try to live in the moment and just show the other how much they mean to them._

_RedheadLVR  
Yay! Another person who takes the time to review. Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Please, make yourself at home ... stay. :oD  
(Having a weird 'Cabaret' moment here ... strange.)  
Well, you could have just left anonymous reviews, but I won't complain now 0:o)  
Yes, when Richard decides to actually pay attention, he's a VERY good hubby. I'm glad you liked it so much. It was the only way I could write it, really. I just want to see them this way. #lol#_

_Branda is going on a date ...  
How was your date?! Okay, tell me on MySpace. We don't need the world to know. ;o) It's nice to be kept informed on your life.  
If you could make more sense in your next review, you wouldn't be yourself. #lol# Okay, just teasing. ... You could always review more than once 0:o)._

_ejl  
#courtseys# Thank you. It's good that you can envision the characters. That tells me I keep them in character. ;o)_

_Emily&Richard4ever  
Even Emily has her weak moments. They're few, but we witnessed one or two in the 7yrs or GG._

_allyrox92  
Awwwww! You're making me blush!! Thank you SO MUCH! I'm really trying. :oD_

_Mary  
Yes, I know you love them no matter what, but I'm glad you loved the scene I came up with._


	6. Coffee and TV

**_Disclaimer _**_- see chapter 1)_

_Awww. I lost reviewers... oh well, for those of you who lit up my day with your words, -as always- I have answered you below! Thanks again for taking the time to review!  
And a special thanks to Susan for taking her time to beta and alpha and ... well, for being there. ;o)  
_

* * *

Lorelai looked down at her arm. The small band-aid on its crook showed a tiny red stain. She had been surprised to find out that she could come to the hospital first thing Monday morning, and somewhat glad to hear it.  
If she had had more time to think about it, she might have chickened out again.  
After finding the right station and filling out an awfully long questionnaire the nurse had given her, she had been told to wait for the doctor who would do the consultation.  
Now she sat in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting area, surrounded by sick people and their relatives, reflecting on what had happened since she had come here.

About half an hour after the nurse had disappeared with her completed questionnaire, she had been led into a small office and come face to face with Doctor Reynolds. That was the moment she had understood why she had gotten the appointment so quickly.  
He had quickly scanned through the form the nurse had given him as she sat down opposite of him. A warm smile on his face, he then had told her that she seemed to be appropriate as a donor and that the initial testing to make sure could start now.  
Of course he had not told her more details about her mother's disease, saying it would violate the physician confidentiality. He had also told her that he would not mention the first consultation to her mother, so that, even if it turned out that Lorelai would be given the green light, she still had the opportunity to say no.

She had smiled at his words, somewhat grateful for being given the chance. Nevertheless she had asked him to tell her more about the actual process that would follow, because she was determined to help her mother.  
The first step would be to find out whether she was a suitable match, so they had taken some blood samples for further testing.

Looking up, she smiled weakly when her eyes met Sookie's.

"I brought you coffee." The stout woman smiled broadly, handing one of the paper cups to her friend.

Accepting the cup, she looked at its contents and stayed quiet.

Sookie sat down next to her, studying her profile. "How did it go?"

Finally looking up, she shrugged. "They have to run a few tests. The nurse told me to wait another five minutes or so to make sure my cardiovascular system is okay."

"Oh, I could go back and get you some sweets from the vending machine." She pointed in the direction of the vendors.

"No, thanks. I will just sit here for a moment and when I don't feel so dizzy anymore, we can leave."

Sookie made a face. "You're dizzy?" Seeing her friend nod, she went on. "How much blood did they take?"

"I don't think it's the amount of blood they took." Lorelai took a sip from the coffee cup, immediately thinking _'Not strong enough'._ Well, she would get some _good_ coffee back at the Dragonfly. "It's just that there's so much information and all." She looked into her friend's worried face and smiled mildly. "I will get over it. It's just a little too much at once."

Nodding, she patted her friend's arm. "You'll be fine. And your Mom will be fine too."

Lorelai looked down, suddenly feeling tears burning behind her eyes.

"Hey." Sookie tried to get her to look at her. Placing her hand on Lorelai's shoulder, she squeezed lightly. "Awww, honey." She heard the small sniffing sound that escaped the dark-haired woman. "She's strong. And with your help, she's going to be okay."

"I just…" Sighing deeply, she tried to explain her feelings. "I feel so lost. I mean, what if the blood tests show that I am not the right donor? What happens then? If she really is that ill, which she must be or she wouldn't have admitted it…" She trailed off, unable to spell out what might happen.

"When will they have the results?" Sookie was not sure how to deal with the situation. She had only known her friend as a strong, independent woman. Of course she had gone through some bad times since they had met, but she had always been on top of things. Never letting it get the better of her. Now here she sat, looking incredibly small and helpless.

"In a few days." She sniffed. "Joshua will pull a few strings." Huffing she added, "Guess sometimes it _does_ have its benefits to have money… and know the right people."

Smiling, Sookie nodded. "Don't let your parents hear that." She took another close look at her friend and asked, "Do you want to sit here for a little longer or—"

"No!" Her head snapped up. "Oh, no. Not a second longer than I have to." Downing the coffee, she grimaced slightly and stood up. "Let's go."

* * *

"Do you think she will tell Rory?" The back of Emily's head rested against her husband's shoulder as they both stared at the ceiling of their bedroom.

"I don't think so." He lazily traced the lines on her palm with his index finger. Taking her hand in his, he pulled it up from where it had been lying on his stomach to kiss its back.

She moved her head to look up at him, and then rolled over so her body was huddled against his broad frame. "I would kill myself if she did." Emily felt him holding his breath for a moment and bit her lip.  
This was getting so frustrating. Propping herself up on one elbow, she looked down at him. "We need to find a way to react less sensitively to this topic."

"How can I?" He felt something close to anger at her words.

"I don't know. I..." Sighing in frustration, she fixed her gaze on one of his pajama buttons and reached out to play with it. "I don't want to think about death anymore." Emily felt his eyes on her but did not look up. "I am alive and I will stay alive. As long as I am getting dialysis, I should be fine. You know what the doctor said."

"Yes, I know what he said." His voice sounded wistful. Of course the doctor had told them that the dialysis would keep her alive, but he had also told them that this life would be full of privations. If they wanted to travel, they'd have to make sure that there was a dialysis unit somewhere nearby. She had to follow a strict diet. Not to mention the medication and its side effects.

"Please, Richard." Her eyes were begging him.

Reaching out, he gently brushed his hand over her cheek, smiling when she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. "I love you too much to lose you."

Looking at him, she turned her head and kissed his palm. "You won't lose me. I'm way too stubborn to die." She shrugged, glad when a slight smile appeared on his face.  
Emily leaned down and pressed her lips to his.

"You're really good at taking my mind off things," he murmured when she broke away.

Giggling, she brushed her hand down his chest, smiling. "If you want me to, I could go further."

"You don't have to ask." He grinned, brushing his hand over her cheek. Her tender kiss made him smile against her lips. His hand slowly travelled down her arm as their kiss deepened.

Hissing in pain she pulled back when his fingers accidentally brushed over the spot where the dialysis catheter had been placed. Emily looked down at the wound, then back up at him, an apologetic look in her eyes. "I'm sorry."

Richard shook his head. "I am." He rolled her over to lie on her back, and then gently grabbed her wrist, trailing butterfly kisses across her lower arm. Looking at her, he smiled. "Better?"

The corners of her mouth curled up as she nodded. "Much better."

"Good," he mumbled as he leaned in to kiss her.

* * *

She stared out of the window, unable to sleep. A quick glance at the alarm clock told her that she would have to get up in four hours. Sighing, she rolled over and closed her eyes, just to open them again moments later.

Lorelai huffed in frustration. She had known it was a bad idea to try to sleep alone tonight. She needed to talk to someone; but to whom? Rory was out of the question. It had been hard enough to pretend that nothing was wrong when they had talked on the phone earlier today.  
A week suddenly felt incredibly long. Well, at least she would have enough time to figure out a way to tell her daughter.

Right now she just wanted someone to hug her and kiss her and tell her everything was going to be all right. Standing up, she did not bother to turn on the light as she made her way down toward the kitchen.  
Stopping in the living room, she changed her mind and slumped down on the couch, searching for the remote.  
Lorelai stared at the blank screen for a moment, then let her head slump back against the backrest and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. How she hated to be alone with her feelings.

Suddenly, Paul Anka jumped on the couch and looked at her. Turning her head, she smiled at the dog. "Hey, you." She patted his head when he laid it on her thigh. "I thought you were afraid of walking around in the dark."

Glancing toward the television, she then smiled down at the dog. "Want to watch some TV?"

He jumped off the couch and was back with the remote moments later.

"So you had it." She grinned, receiving an unreadable look. "Okay, what do you want to watch?" She turned on the TV, smiling when she recognized the movie that came on. Barbara Stanwyck was on screen.

Lorelai thought back to the time she had watched this movie with her mother. It had felt so nice just to sit here with her, teasing her. Her mother had smiled that evening.  
Strangely enough the memory did not feel bitter, even though she knew what had happened the day after.

Paul Anka made a bored sounding noise but Lorelai shook her head. "No, I will not change channels."  
Watching the dog turn his back to the TV, closing his eyes, she mumbled, "Philistine," then concentrated on the movie again.

* * *

_**Author's note**: Thanks for waiting so patiently. Well, I will try to update again VERY soon, but for now: It's review answer time..._

_morzsa  
I think it's important that they can forget about her illness, at least for some time. I'm glad you liked it. :o)_

_Valerie  
Oh, I adore the 'dark cloud' image! Yes, they were able to move it for a moment. Reality is hard.  
I think Lorelai is good at repressing her feelings when it comes to her parents, but now she has to deal with it. I mean, she only does that when something bad happens... remember Forgiveness and Stuff; the scene with Richard.  
#lol# you liked Tiffany? Well, I'm glad you did. I don't even know how that came up, but it worked out well, I think. I'm sorry that this chapter took so long but hey ... maybe I was just waiting for more reviews. ;o) -kidding-._

_Miss GoodManners  
Welcome to my rollercoaster ride! ;o) I am trying to keep everything in balance, I mean, I can't just write it all depressing, right?  
Yes, my Richard is tender with his Emmy. AND he finally realized that she's more important than his work! I think post S7 Richard would have been more caring and then; she really needs him now. They're in love... I like that part about them and maybe I make him more 'Prince Charming' that the on-screen Richard, but I can't help it. I'm a romantic at heart. #lol#  
Emily is looking too far ahead? Well, you know she is all about plans and order. Sometimes it just catches up with her that she might very well die. I have been around a dying woman last year, even though she knew nothing could help her, so it was a bit different.  
And don't worry, it was twisted, but I could follow you anyway. ;o)  
Thank you SO MUCH for saying that I got Lorelai down 'perfectly' because that was actually one of my greatest worries. :oD  
I'm glad you liked the Tiffany scene. I wanted some fun in between all the sorrow._

_LorLukealways  
#lol# So you don't like them kissing? You can be glad I didn't go further there then. ... God knows I have before. ;o). Well, I'll try not to make this story M at any point, so I guess you're somewhat save.  
Well, Sookie was meant to be there for her... and Michel, well, he is an angel at heart... sometimes. ;o)  
I think I actually will put a little Luke in the next chapters, but I don't think it will be enough for LLs. I really hope you'll stay tuned & tell me your thoughts!_

_Loridhhp  
Awww, you're making me blush.  
Well, I think it's a mixture of both that makes Emily hide her illness. I think she's too afraid to become part of the latest gossip. And then; you know people start acting differently around you when they know you're ill.  
Yes, Lorelai loves her mother. I think they couldn't hurt each other so much if they wouldn't care about the other so deeply. There has been a lot of hurt, both have put the other through a lot of pain and I'm really trying to convey that.  
Everyone should have a Sookie! :oD_

_RedheadLVR  
To be honest; I liked the advice I made her give Tiffany too. That's why I kept it #lol#.  
Well, you know how it is when someone touches a sore spot on your skin, so I guess the wincing was called for. ;o)  
So... 10 Dollars... okay; anyone else want to bet? I'll take wagers!_

_Mary  
Yes, both her friends really care for her. Even though Michel has a funny way of showing it.  
I think it's important to try to have a normal live, even though the sword of Damocles is somewhat hanging over your head.  
You're right, Rory needs to be told. But you know it's not good to tell someone something this disturbing over the phone ... Lorelai will tell her at some point. Just wait and see. ;o)  
So ... is the sun shining again now? ... Sorry for taking so long to update. I'll try to have the next chapter out much sooner!!_

_ejl  
How was your vacation. You never told me whether you met God. ;o)  
Well, I know that Lorelai usually doesn't see her mother as human at all, but I think it would change if something like this would happen. I hope you agree. True, she is puzzled by Rory's relationship with her parents. I'm glad she always respected it to some point though. I think deep down she actually wishes she would have the same with them that Rory has.  
I hope you liked this new chapter and you will keep enjoying what I have in store for you. :o)_

_swimmerluver  
Thank you so much!! I am glad you were able to picture all of the scenes. That's what I am really trying to do - create images so clear that you can actually see them in your head. :o)_


	7. Another Day in Paradise

**_Disclaimer _**_- see chapter 1)_

_Thanks to Susan for taking the time to beta this. I know you're awfully busy and I'm very grateful for all your help!!_

* * *

Nervously shifting on her seat, she looked down at her plate.  
They had not talked all that much tonight. Every other time she would have been glad about that, but tonight it just felt awkward.

Looking towards her daughter, Emily fixed her gaze on her plate again, feeling sick to her stomach. The doctors had changed her medication yet again and she felt nauseated. Even though she had tried to eat more slowly than usual and only take small bites, she knew that it had not gone unnoticed by her child. At least Lorelai had not made any snide remarks about it this time.  
Taking her glass, she took a small sip, hoping this farce would end soon.

Richard gazed from one woman to the other, desperately trying to come up with something to say to break the icy silence.  
"Rory called yesterday," he finally stated immediately regretting his choice of topic when Lorelai's head snapped in his direction, her eyes widening.

Trying to sound calm, she put on a fake smile. "Really? What did she want?"

"Just say hello, I guess." He shrugged, wondering why his daughter had reacted so strangely.

"Well, that's nice." Lorelai stated matter-of-factly and concentrated on her food again.

Emily furrowed her brow at the slight fretfulness in her daughter's voice and studied her profile. "You seem surprised that she called."

"N-no?" Lorelai shook her head, confused by the accusation she sensed in her mother's tone.

The older woman rested her wrists on the table, raising her slender eyebrows. "Why is it so difficult for you to believe that our granddaughter would call just to say hello?"

She rolled her eyes, her annoyance clearly audible, "It's not, Mom."

"You made it _sound_ like it." Emily snapped, feeling as if she had to defend herself.

"Well, I thought that …" Lorelai trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence at all. Pushing the peas around with her fork, she hoped that her mother would just let it go.

"What?"

"I don't know what I thought." She shrugged in defeat and let the silverware fall to her plate. Crossing her arms over her chest, she leaned back in her chair, staring at the center piece. "I don't know what I'm allowed to think, or to say, or to do anymore."

Silence fell between them.

Taking a deep breath, Lorelai, kept staring at the flower arrangement in the middle of the table. This was going in the wrong direction. She wanted her mother to talk to her about it, not make her mad. If she made her mad, she would never find out more about her condition.

Emily put her silverware down, dabbed the corner of her mouth with the napkin, and placed it on the table, somewhat glad that she would not have to eat any more. She took a deep breath to calm herself and then looked at her daughter. "Lorelai, if you think either of us would tell Rory about my condition over the phone you are wrong. As I told you before; I did not want anybody to know at all. Now that _you_ know about it, it is up to you what to do and how to deal with this information." Standing up, she looked at her husband. "If you'd excuse me now, I'd like to go and lie down for a bit."

Nodding slightly, Lorelai was taken aback by the calmness in her mother's voice. There had been an underlying warning in it, but the fact that she had not yelled at her was almost creepy.  
Her hands balled into fists, she pushed her lower lip forward slightly, her eyes never leaving the soft, cream-colored petal on which they had fixed. Not sure what to do next, she listened to her mother slowly climbing the stairs.

Richard was unsure whether he should go and see if his wife needed his help. She had told him earlier that day that she did not feel well and with as little as she had eaten he was afraid that she did not have much strength left in her body. Listening closely, he mentally readied himself to run for the stairs if she called for him. He knew she did not want their daughter to know how bad she felt, so going after her right now was out of the question.  
Fixing his eyes on his daughter, he felt somewhat sorry for her. If only he could find a way to tell her. Making up his mind, he folded his hands and took a deep breath. "She did sound a little suspicious."

Lorelai's head snapped in his direction at the sound of his voice. "Who?"

"Rory." He furrowed his brow, confused that she had not been able to follow his thoughts. "She sounded suspicious yesterday."

Still not completely understanding what her father was talking about, she asked again. "'Bout what?"

"Well, she asked how her grandmother was doing three times during the call." He raised his brow, waiting for her answer.

Shrugging, she tried to brush it off. "She's just stressed, Dad."

"Is she?" he inquired further, not at all satisfied with her answer.

Lorelai shot him a look that reminded him of her mother, her voice sharp. "What are you implying with that? Do you think I told her anything? Well, I didn't."

"I didn't mean to imply anything, but I am glad to hear that." He cocked his head to the side, nodding slightly as he leaned back in his chair.

"I don't want to tell her over the phone. I don't want her to come back here because she thinks she has to," Lorelai ranted, not noticing the slight relaxation in her father's features at all. "I just want to understand what's going on here." She looked him deep in the eyes, her gaze pleading.

"I am sorry, Lorelai but I am not able to give you any further details."

"You mean _she_ doesn't _let_ you." She spat, pointing her finger in the direction of the stairs.

Richard sat up straight in his chair, his voice showing his rising anger as he warned her, "Do not raise your voice to me like that."

"Why? It's the truth!" Lorelai argued, trying not to show the fear his anger made her feel. She hated herself for feeling like a six-year-old child in his presence.

Standing up, he saw that it was no use to talk to her any longer. "I think it would be better for you to leave now."

She was taken aback by the sudden calmness in his voice but recovered quickly. Standing up, she headed straight for the door, almost forgetting her coat. Luckily the maid rushed towards her as she crossed the foyer, handing it to her before she proceeded to open the front door.

* * *

Richard looked after his daughter even after she was out of sight, somewhat dumbstruck. He tried to think of the next logical step, but could not come up with anything. Taking a deep breath, he walked towards his study, quietly closing the door behind him. He poured himself a drink, downing it in one gulp and refilling the glass. How he hated this situation.  
It had never been easy to watch these two fight, but he had never known it could get even harder. They had been getting along rather well in the past few months and part of him had hoped that it would stay this way.

"Wishful thinking," he mumbled and looked at the contents of his glass. Scotch. Emily preferred Vodka. To this day he did not understand why.

Sitting down on the couch, he let the amber liquid swirl in the crystal cut glass and looked at the clock. He would give her another five minutes or so. That should be enough for her to calm down. Maybe he should not drink Scotch. She would smell it. That was one of the good things about Vodka. Well, she was mad as it was. If she wanted to scream and shout to get it out of her system, he would give her a reason; if she didn't want to, she would let it pass. Richard emptied the glass and headed for the bedroom.  
Whatever she needed.

* * *

Pulling the sheets up around her, she rolled on her side, facing away from the door. How she wished she could just fall asleep and make this awful day end. Staring in the direction of the window, she huffed in frustration. It was much too early to go to sleep. Any healthy person would be having after dinner drinks right now.  
...Any _healthy_ person. She took a deep breath. Not she. Not anymore. Emily felt sick. Sick and frustrated and alone.

What had happened to the times she had been glad to be left alone? What had happened to _her_? Biting the inside of her cheek to keep the tears at bay she felt angry at herself.  
_'You have been through tough situations before._' she scolded herself. _'You are strong. You always were. Nothing's changed.'_  
Nothing's changed? No, that was not true. _Every_thing had changed. Not right after the doctors had found out about the seriousness of her illness, but afterwards. Slowly it had crept into their life. All those minor changes that suddenly grew bigger, taking away her liberty little by little.

Hearing the door being opened, she snapped out of her musings.  
_Richard_. There was a sudden flash of sadness running through her system. She needed him. She needed him to come to her and put his arms around her, to hold her close and tell her everything would be okay. He had done so multiple times in the past months. But she would not make him do it anymore.  
She had seen the changes in his eyes, the changes in his demeanor. She had drained him. First this illness had taken her strength and now it was taking her husband's through her. She could not tell him she needed him. He had already given so much.

Feeling him lying down behind her, she turned her head. "What are you doing?"

"Snuggling up to the wife?" He shrugged, grinning boyishly.

Emily turned her head back to hide the smile that tugged at her lips. "You're on the wrong side of the bed."

Sliding his arm around her, he pulled her towards him. "From what I can tell, I'm exactly where I should be."

She bit her lip, feeling tears dwell up in her eyes, scolding herself for them. "Don't you think that's a little uncomfortable?"

"I was hoping you'd realize that and just crawl further to the middle." He gently kissed a spot behind her ear, brushing her hair back with his nose.

Smiling, she did as he'd asked, feeling his hand sliding over her side to rest against her stomach. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Why do you do this?"

Richard propped himself up on one elbow and gazed down at her. "Because I love you."

Her smile widened involuntarily. Opening her eyes, she rolled on her back to look up at him. "I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that." His voice was low as he bent down to kiss her lightly on the lips. "You deserve more than me." Stopping her from saying something, he went on. "You have done so much for me in all these years and never complained." He watched her roll her eyes and chuckled. "Well, at least not as much as you could have."  
Receiving a well-deserved slap against the chest, he caught her hand in his. "You've been there for me when I needed you. Now please let me be there for you when you need me." Richard kissed the backs of her fingers, as they locked gazes.

She felt tears burning behind her eyes. Not trusting her voice enough, she just nodded and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close. Her face buried in his neck, she took a deep shuddering breath, unable to keep some tears from escaping her eyes.

"It's okay to cry, Emmy."

"No, it's not." She sniffed, grabbing the front of his shirt. She felt him brushing his hand through her hair and looked up. "I don't want to cry anymore."

"Please, darling." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, mumbling against it. "Don't hold it back."

"Don't, Richard." Shaking her head, she pulled back to look into his eyes again. "I can't cry all the time, even if I feel like it. We talked about that before, remember?" Watching him looking away, nodding, she went on. "I love you for wanting to be here for me but I can't let you. I can't let you suffer just because I do." She turned her head away, unable to look into his eyes.

He looked down at her, surprised by what she had said. "That's the way you feel about it?" Gently cupping her cheek, he made her look at him again, and shook his head. "Is this why you did not want me to know about that phone call the other day?"

Emily looked away again. "I'm tired."

Hearing her voice break, he knew she would not tell him more, whether he pushed her now or not.  
Richard pulled away, smiling when his wife suddenly grabbed his arm. "I won't leave." He bent down to kiss her forehead. "Let me just change into my pajamas, okay?"

Nodding, she smiled weakly at him, grateful that he did not make her talk about things she could not explain. "Come back soon."

"Five minutes." He smiled.

"Two." Her lips curled up at his low chuckle, but she waited for him to nod nonetheless before she finally let go of him. Rolling on her side, she let herself relax, knowing the man she loved would soon put his arms around her, whether she was asleep by then or not.

* * *

Lorelai was angry at the world. Turning right, she finally saw the sign that welcomed her to Stars Hollow.  
With all the things running through her head, she had taken a wrong turn more than once and the ride that usually took not more than thirty minutes had taken her well over an hour. Something in the back of her head told her she should be grateful for the extra time in the car. She had been able to turn up the volume of the radio and just drive, letting her anger subside. If only it had worked better. It usually did.

Pulling into her driveway, she turned off the engine, the music dying as well.  
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, regretting it when she saw her mother's face in front of her. Growling in frustration, she opened the door and grabbed her purse.

Forcefully pushing the front door open, she threw it closed, the glass windows in it vibrating at the intensity of the impact. Seeing Paul Anka giving her a strange look, she yelled at him. "Don't look at me like that; that damn door just had it comin'!"  
She brushed past him, heading towards the kitchen. Roaming through the cabinets, she prayed for some kind of comfort food to calm her.

Not finding any, she slumped down on a chair and screamed in frustration. Breathing heavily, she closed her eyes, feeling tears building behind her eyelids.  
Why had she gone there? She had _known_ something like this would happen, and still part of her had made her go. A stupid part. So very stupid.  
How she wished she could just call Rory. She surely would know what to do. Or at least she would be able to calm her nerves.

No, she would not give in to this particular thought. She could only imagine what would happen when her daughter finally found out about her grandma's condition.  
They had had their differences in the past, but strangely enough those two had worked their way through them. How she wished _she_ would be able to work her way through to her mother. But this woman was just so damn stubborn.

Lorelai huffed in frustration. Looking around, she wondered what to do next. She couldn't go to bed; she would not be able to fall sleep anyway. Coffee. Looking at her watch, she shook her head. No, that would not help either. It would make things worse.

Maybe she could go over to Sookie's. At least _she_ knew what was wrong… well, Luke knew too. No, not really. But at least he knew something was wrong. And Luke did not have kids. Well, he did not have kids that were asleep at this time. She suddenly wondered what time April usually went to bed, even though it was not important; she was not in Stars Hollow at the moment.

Leaning forward, she crossed her arms on the tabletop and rested her forehead against them. Friday. Almost a week had passed since she had gone through those initial tests, thinking her mother would be happy if she found out that she would give her a kidney. Now she was not so sure anymore.  
If only time would pass more quickly. She would have the results by now, Rory would be back, she could straighten things out – everything would be okay, but no. Nothing was okay, and at this point in time she was not sure she would be able to straighten out _any_thing. What took Joshua so long to get the results anyway? He had said he would get them for her. Quickly. A week was not "_quickly_."

She felt tired.  
It was too early in the evening to feel so tired. Well, it was the typical I-survived-another-Friday-Night-Dinner tired, but it was too early.

Dragging her body up the stairs, she decided she'd try to sleep anyway. Maybe tomorrow Doctor Reynolds would call her. Stopping in her tracks, she thought further; what if not? She sighed and continued up the stairs. Well, if he didn't call her, she would call him.

* * *

_**Author's note**:  
Thanks for the wonderful reviews I've got. I think I'll continue posting here... Now let me answer those of you who took the time to make me feel special:_

_Monarules  
I'm VERY glad to have you back!  
Well, you could always leave an anonymous review if you're too lazy to log in 0:o) It's good to know you have been 'reading and loving' it!  
Yes, there's going to be talks. But I need action between talks... I just can't hurry things, it's not in my nature. ;o)_

_Poppinswannabe  
Awww! A new reviewer. Hi Nikki!  
Let me get you a chair ... would you like some coffee? I could learn how to make it so you'll be comfortable and stay ;o).  
Thanks for the kind words and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as the others._

_Miss GoodManners  
My sweet Miss Ellie!  
Yes, I know you had a lot of stress in the past weeks. I am glad you were able to find the time to review.  
Well, it's strange with Lorelai ... she actually makes me write more about her than I intended to. #lol# But I feel I have to so the story is complete. Wow; I made you like her? I'm good. ;o) And I'm very glad that you think she was in character. I'm even more insecure when it comes to writing her than the rest. #lol#  
Yes, our Gilmore women are more fragile than anybody around them thinks. I totally agree with you there.  
So you liked the Stanwyck reference? Good. It is one of my fav scenes even though the 'morning after' was so depressing with the fight and all. I usually skip that part because it is somewhat hard to watch when you have just seen them getting along so well.  
Oh that 'thank you, Mommy' always melts my heart. As does the look on Emily's face. I think I will sit down and watch that episode again today. ;o)  
Your reviews really keep me going, have I told you that lately? Hugs to you!!_

_Valerie  
Val, honey! Yes, you told me you liked it before -in German- ;o) And I could hug you every time you decide to review again, even though I already got a reVal. You know how important feedback is to me.  
It is good to know what you liked about the chapter and since you did not say anything negative I guess I did a good job. #lol#  
Thanks for letting me know. #hands you flower#_

_Loridhhp  
THANK YOU! #lol# I think it was the first time anybody ever used the word 'outstanding' and it made me grin. ... Strange, huh?  
I'm glad you liked the last chapter. It's always good to have a Sookie around when you're down, isn't it? ;o) And I think Paul Anka is very supportive as well. I always liked him and I thought it was about time I gave him a guest staring role. ;o)_

_swimmerluver  
Thanks! I couldn't not let Lorelai decide to help Emily. That would have just been cruel ... and the story line would have been busted. #lol#_

_morzsa  
Dear Katus,  
Yes, I actually really 'awaited' your review. ;o) I like then too much to not wait for them to appear on my screen.  
Well, Lorelai just had the initial tests so we do not know how good a match she's going to be. It is one of the things I read about; if you have the same blood type as the person you're going to donate your organ to it is the first step before there's a whole series of tests.  
You will have to wait just a little longer before Lorelai will finally tell Emily, but I think you're going to like it.  
I guess my Richard tends to be a little more lovable than the 'original' one. Oh well, we never saw him dealing with something like this on the show, so I can write him like I want to #lol# I LIKE fan fictions. ;o)  
Rory is going to come back ... sometime. But I think you're going to like her. A little. ;o)._

_Mary  
:oD You like Lorelai? I am glad! I don't think I should admit this but she was not really my fav on the show. Sometimes I really wanted to punch her, but ... oh well, not in MY little universe. ;o)  
So... Paul Anka is better than Luke? Okay, I'll keep that in mind. #lol#  
Yes, Richard really has to get through a lot. I can't let him break down but I think if he'd face losing Emily, he might._

_B. Alex Milligan  
GASP Yes, YOU DIDN'T! ... You could always go back and review them now though ... 0:o) #hint,hint# #giggles#.  
I'm sorry you were so busy. It is better now?  
Good thing I'm not alone with thinking Lorelai would not tell Rory. You know how she would react and neither Lorelai nor I want that. ;o)  
Yay! I got super-Kudos! D! does a happy dance  
So... did you like what I came up with for this chapter? :o) I definitely hope so!_

_LorLukealways  
curtseys Thank you. Yes, I like Sookie and Lorelai scenes too. And they're easier to write than Lorelai and Luke scenes for me... You're going to get a scene with them sometime soon, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait a bit longer and I do not know how well you're going to like it.  
You know the Gilmore way - "act as if nothing is wrong" is their way of dealing with the most important things. I will try to change that but it has to be little-by-little to not get completely AU/OOC. Stick with me ;o).  
I'm a little sorry that I do not give you Rory or Luke so much, but my main focus really is Emily/Lorelai so ... I hope this won't make you stop reading._


	8. Patient Patient

**_Disclaimer _**_- see chapter 1)_

_I am so blessed to have you, guys.  
You can't imagine how nice it is to hear that there are people who still want to read more of my little story.  
I have gotten some very sweet messages and no less than four people volunteered to beta for me. I was so amazed!  
This chapter I sent to Monarules and Loridhhp, and I want to thank both of you for your input and your great beta skills! I actually feel sorry that I made so many mistakes, guys *lol*._

_Anyway! Here's the new chapter and there are more to come. Thanks for keeping up with me and I promise I will finish this story ... sometime. There are going to be a LOT of chapters to come though. Be afraid. ... or delighted. Whatever suits you better. ;o)_

_On the bottom I will follow the tradition and keep re-reviewing. Special thanks to those who decided to drop me a line.  
Okay, I'm rambling. ... Done now. Go, read, enjoy!_

* * *

Sitting at her usual table, a bunch of papers spread around her, Lorelai was gulping down her second cup of coffee. Pen in hand, she tried to make a list of things she would have to bring up at the meeting she had scheduled for 11 o'clock.  
She cursed Michel for his messy handwriting as she tried to figure out what he had written on the order form when she heard her cell phone ring. Not noticing the side glance from Luke as he passed her, she fished around her bag for the mobile for a minute and then answered it without bothering to check the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Okay, what's wrong?" Her daughter's voice held a tad of desperation.

"What?" Lorelai furrowed her brow, slightly confused about the lack of greetings.

Walking over to the desk in her hotel room, Rory looked at the lap top screen as she spoke. "You haven't called in _two _days. Something's wrong."

"Woah, nothing's wrong. I'm just busy," her mother defended herself, shrugging.

"Is it Grandma?" Slumping down on the chair, the younger Gilmore scrolled through her inbox.

On the other end, Lorelai walked over to the counter to get a refill. "No?" She drew out the word, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

"It _is_ Grandma." Rory's shoulders sagged while she gazed out of the window.

"Honey, what are you talking about?" Smiling at Luke, she made a mental note to tease him about letting her use the cell phone without so much as a grumble.

"You haven't called." Her daughter argued.

Trying to think of something clever to answer, Lorelai said the first thing that came to her mind. "Well, you haven't either. Everything okay over there?"

"Don't try to change the topic!" She rolled her eyes, her voice scolding.

Slumping down on her seat again, the older woman shrugged. "I'm not!"

"Is it _that _serious?" Rory got suspicious. Her mother's voice had sounded too fierce.

Shaking her head to get rid of the confusion, Lorelai furrowed her brow. "What?"

"Grandma's illness." Her daughter explained further.

"Listen honey, you're really getting me dizzy here." Lorelai answered, closing her eyes, her hand pressed against her forehead.

Giggling, Rory decided to tease her a little. "Why? Did I catch you before your third cup of coffee?"

"Well, yeah, but that's not the point." Her daughter really knew her too well. She just hoped the cover up she had chosen would work. It was only a few more days.

"Okay, I'm coming home." The journalist made up her mind. Something definitely was wrong.

Her eyes widening, Lorelai shrieked. "What? No!"

"Of course I will." Now she _knew_ her suspicions were correct. "You're hiding something, Grandma's hiding something, Grandpa is no help either; I'm coming home."

"Nothing is wrong." Lorelai hoped she sounded convincing. "You're imagining things, Rory."

"You promise?" Her daughter wasn't sure whether or not to buy it, listening closely for any evidences in her mother's voice to confirm her presumptions.

"I don't know what kind of drugs they're giving you, or if it's just the lack of good coffee there, but you're really getting a bit paranoid." Lorelai rolled her eyes.

Sitting up straight, Rory tried again. "Again; do you promise?"

"Hey!" Raising her hand in defence, she paused for dramatic effect before she went on, "All I can say is that any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental at this time." Lorelai grinned, proud at herself.

"I'm still not convinced." Rory squinted her eyes.

Slumping her shoulders, the older Gilmore rolled her eyes. "It's only, what... ten days 'till you fly back? Then you come over here and see for yourself."

"Okay, I guess that's fair." Pouting, she leaned back in the seat, slightly pacified.

"Not really, but I'm glad you think so," her mother teased.

Looking at the contents of her inbox again, the young journalist tried once more. "So, why did Grandma stop drinking alcohol?"

"As you said; weird kind of diet." Lorelai tried to brush it of, adding, "At least she is not serving mocktails this time. I still get my Martini to help me through the night."

"Don't drink and drive." Her daughter scolded playfully.

"I don't." Thinking about it for a second, she admitted, "well, I don't drink much, so I can still drive."

"Maybe you should stay over night when you drink more than one glass." Rory grinned.

"At my _parents'_?" Her eyes widened in something in between disbelief and shock.

Grinning, Rory went on. "Yeah, some kids like to sleep close to Mommy and Daddy."

"Hey! I'm not a kid," her mother pointed out.

"They are your parents, right?"

"Yeah?" She got suspicious at the innocence in her daughter's voice.

"So you're their child, right?"

"Duh... yeah?" Lorelai furrowed her brow, unsure about where this was leading.

Rory shrugged, a triumphant grin on her lips. "See? The word "child" equals the word "kid", so I'm right."

"You're evil." Her mother pouted.

"You taught me well." She quipped, still grinning proudly.

"Okay, okay. I'll just pretend that's a compliment and go to work now." Lorelai shrugged, glad that her daughter's mind seemed to be taken off the grandma problem.

"Good. I'll talk to you again soon." Rory nodded.

Grinning, her mother nodded as well. "You sure will."

After saying their goodbyes, Lorelai closed her cell and sighed. How she hated lying to her daughter.

~*~*~*~

"Lilani?" Emily walked through the dining room in search of the maid. "Lilani?" She repeated louder, getting annoyed.

"Emily?" Her husband poked his head out of his study. "What's the matter?"

"Oh, that woman," she growled, walking towards him. "I wonder if she has ever made a bed in her entire life." Pointing the other way, she went on, her eyes sparkling with anger. "There are even more wrinkles in the sheets now than there were just after I stood up."

"Well, as far as I remember there was good reason for those sheets to get that wrinkled." He winked at her, grinning.

Glaring at him, she added another point to the list. "Which makes it even worse, since I'm sure she did not even change them at all."

"Now, Emmy." His voice was soft as he stepped closer to her, sliding one arm around her shoulders. "It's her first day." Gently kissing her temple, he squeezed her lightly.

"No excuse." She mumbled, pouting.

Richard kissed her forehead, trying to hold back a chuckle. "Give her a second chance."

"More like the fourth."

"Already?" He met her angry glare with a boyish grin, easing her temper visibly. Taking her hand, he led her into his study and closed the door behind them.

Emily turned around, a questioning look in her eyes when he bent down to kiss her gently. Smiling against his lips, she rested her hands against his chest. "Mmm, could you do that again, please?"

He granted her wish, his arms wrapped around her. Deepening their kiss, he felt her trying to push away, giggling, but did not let go immediately. When she turned her head, he went on, kissing his way down her cheek to her neck, nuzzling it.

"Richard, stop that." She giggled, half-heartedly trying to push away. "Evil man." Another giggle as he playfully bit her neck. "Stop it." Looking up at him when he finally stopped, she smiled broadly. "That was unfair."

"Well, but it served its purpose." His smile matched hers as he bent forward to press his lips to hers once again.

Bending backwards, she returned his pecks. "And what purpose was that?" She finally escaped him.

"It made you smile." He shrugged his broad shoulders, grinning down on her.

Looking away, she couldn't stop the corners of her lips from curling up. Emily walked past him, turning when she opened the door. "I'll make sure to tell Lilani to thank you."

"For what?" He asked, slightly confused.

"For helping her to keep her job." Hearing glass shatter, she furrowed her brow, adding, "for another five minutes."

~*~*~*~*~

"Hello? Yes. This is Lorelai Gilmore. Uh, I'd like to talk to Doctor Reynolds?" She nervously played with the pen she was holding while she stared blankly ahead. Turning to the side, she tapped the pen against the wooden desk and rolled her eyes as she waited for the nurse to track down Joshua.

When the tapping noise suddenly changed, she looked down at where the pen was supposed to hit wood, confused when she saw the Post-It pad it was now hitting. Spinning around, she gasped in surprise when she came face to face with Michel.

"You are hurting the wood," he stated, annoyed.

Glaring at him, she pointed the pen in his direction. "Michel, if you don't stop that right now I'm going to hurt _you_!"

"Hello?" A deep, somewhat confused sounding voice was heard at the other end of the line.

Spinning around, she tried to sound kind. "Oh, hey, Doctor Reynolds. It's Lorelai Gilmore."

"Oh, well, hello Lorelai. ... I hope I won't need a bodyguard in the near future?" He joked.

She furrowed her brow. "What?"

"You were talking about hurting somebody when I picked up." Joshua clarified his last question.

"Oh, no! That wasn't about you." She glared in Michel's direction before she walked off to her office. "That is, maybe it was, if you're going to tell me that the test results are not there yet." Closing the door behind her, she rolled her eyes at herself. "Sorry, I'm just..."

"Nervous?"

"Nervous doesn't even _begin _to cover it." She sighed as she slumped down in her chair.

Smiling, Doctor Reynolds' voice held amusement. "That's quite all right. You have never been the most patient person."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Doctor R., you're positively wicked," she grinned.

"And you are your mother's daughter, young lady," he countered.

Giggling at his comment, she shook her head. "Now don't you dare to tell that to _any_body, including _me_, _ever_ again."

"Well, if you promise to not hurt me, I will consider that."

"Deal." She nodded. After a moment of silence passed between them, her impatience got the better of her. "So?"

"Actually, what I have to tell you next makes me glad I got you to agree with me." Joshua stood up, walking around his desk. "I'm sorry, Lorelai, but the test results are not back yet. I expect them any minute though, and I will call you the second they arrive."

"You promise?"

He nodded. "I'm going to have dialled your number, even _before_ I open the envelope."

"I suddenly remember why I like you so much," Lorelai smiled.

Shrugging, he grinned. "I have a family bonus."

"You know me; being on good terms with my parents is usually _not_ considered a bonus." She leaned back in her chair, relaxing a little.

"Well, then I'm just glad I gave you all that candy when you were little." Joshua jammed the phone between his ear and shoulder, collected a patient record from the cabinet next to the desk and began flipping through it.

"I expect a lollypop when I come visit next time."

"I'll see what I can do." He switched the phone to the other ear.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." Walking back around his desk, he put the file down. "Now if you'd excuse me, I have another patient waiting."

"Well, I hope that patient is more _patient_ than I am." Lorelai grinned.

Chuckling, Joshua shook his head. "Not really."

"Okay, then I'd better let you go. Thanks for talking to me, even if it just was to say hello this time."

"My pleasure. I promise I'll call you as soon as the results get here."

"Okay, thanks again. Bye, Doc."

"Goodbye." He smiled, putting the receiver down and pulled out the file of his next patient. Still smiling, he stood up, walking over to the door that connected his office with the examination room. "Good morning, Emily." Joshua greeted her, slightly amused as she stopped pacing, spinning in his direction.

"How could you let me wait like this?" She glared at him.

"It's good to see you too." He grinned at her.

Rolling her eyes, she huffed. "That's not the answer I wanted to hear."

"But it is an answer that lowers your blood pressure, I presume." Joshua's grin widened a tad at her low growl.

Sitting down on the examination table, she first crossed her ankles, and then crossed her arms over her chest. How she hated the fact that her feet weren't touching the ground. "Can we _please _get this over with?"

"All right… Well," Joshua flipped through her medical chart, "What brings you here on this sunny day?"

Glaring at him, she growled. "You know very well what brings me here."

"Sorry, Emily." His apologetic look matched his voice. "I didn't mean to sound so chipper."

She rolled her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I know. It's just so..."

"...Frustrating?" He offered, nodding as she sighed; he knew very well how she felt by now.

Standing in front of her, he tried to word his next suggestion the right way, at the same time knowing he would not succeed. "You know, I really think you should see a counselor."

"No."

"Emily, this is a very stressful situation."

"No, Joshua."

"You need help."

"I _need_ a kidney," she countered.

Sighing, Joshua shook his head. "Emily." He looked her straight in the eye. "I am your friend." Watching her looking away, he went on. "And as your friend, I understand the way you feel about all this. But as your doctor, your health has to come before my sympathy." He met her angry eyes again. "And as your doctor, I tell you to go into counseling because all this stress is an additional risk."

"I do not _need_ a counselor."

"Emily, I am sorry. I know you don't _want_ a counselor, but you _need_ one. And as your doctor, I am supposed to _make_ you see one no matter what your feelings about this are." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"And what if I refuse?" She mirrored his position.

"Then I will find ways to change your mind," he shrugged. "I think your husband would be on my side, if I'd-"

She cut him off, "You wouldn't dare!" Glaring at him, she slid down the examination table, feeling the urge to stand on her own two feet for this conversation.

"I am sorry, Emily, but if it's the only way, I sure will." Joshua had a hard time not looking away; the fire in her eyes could have melted tungsten. He knew he was pushing his luck; of course the physician confidentiality would have kept him from actually telling Richard, but at this point he knew bringing up her husband was the only thread that _might_ work.

She clenched her jaw muscles, trying to tame her temper. Reasoning with herself, she felt her anger slowly subsiding. _'He is right. You know he is right. You need to stay healthy. You need to calm down. You need to think of Richard.'_ Her husband's sad eyes appeared in front of her, and she suddenly felt a pang of guilt sending cold shivers down her back. Sighing deeply, she rolled her eyes.

Joshua smiled at her gesture of defeat, at the same time knowing he had nothing to do with her change of mind, or at least not enough to feel proud of his accomplishment.

"You keep this to yourself." It was not a question, but a statement.

Nodding, he answered, "of course." He watched her lean back against the examination table. "Now, back to the original reason of your visit."

Emily raised one eyebrow. "I presume you will give me a list of counselors you think suitable, will you?"

It had been too easy. Bowing his head, he looked at her. "I will tell Benjamin about it and he will provide you with one, yes."

"Why tell Benjamin? Why can't _you_ just give me the list?"

Sighing, Joshua tried to keep calm. This woman was so suspicious when it came to telling anybody anything about her health. "Because he is the specialist. Emily, we are a team of doctors. We are a group of specialists who need to keep each other abreast of your condition, so we can make sure you stay healthy."

"Yes, well…." She trailed off, looking to the side, somewhat ashamed of herself.

Studying her chart again, he brushed it off, knowing her well enough to repress his smile. "Now, you said you were suffering from dizziness?"

"Yes, I do." Emily nodded, grateful for the smooth change of topic. "And it's not only that."

He looked up, his eyes questioning.

"Since the last change in my medication … I have not been able to eat as much as I should."

"Emily."

She raised her hand in defense at the scolding tone in his voice. "I have tried." Shrugging, she went on. "But I feel nauseous even _thinking_ of food."

Checking the chart, he shook his head. "The last recorded change was almost a week ago."

"I thought I would just need some time to adjust to it." She shrugged her slim shoulders again.

"When did you want to tell me about it?"

"Well, I told you _now_." Raising both eyebrows, she was a bit confused by his biting tone.

Joshua took a deep breath to calm himself. He had known Emily for decades and thus knew that she would not listen to him if he came across as scolding. He had always admired her strength, but also knew that this strength was linked to a stubbornness that was second to none. "Emily, not eating for a week is not only unhealthy, but in your current condition it can lead to severe complications."

"I didn't _not_ eat. I still ate regularly. You can ask Richard if you don't believe me!" She defended herself, her voice rising with her anger. "I felt like throwing up every time I swallowed, but I ate none-the-less."

Her sudden outburst caught him off guard. His mouth slightly ajar, he tried to think of a come-back, but found himself at a loss for words.

"Now, if you would _please_ check whatever this chart says and tell me what we can do about it." She pointed at the file in his hands and sat down on the examination table. "And why can't we talk about this in your office anyway? I feel silly sitting on this thing."

Snapping out of the semi-trance her behavior had put him in, Joshua chuckled quietly. "Well, now that I have you here, I can at least check you thoroughly. "

"Don't you dare! I have been poked and prodded by these doctors in more places than I want to mention in the course of the last months. _Every_thing _any_body could _ever_ want to know about my health is on file, so if you get close to me, I swear to God, you will regret it!"

Joshua laughed, raising his hands in defence. "All right, all right. I'll see what I can do."

* * *

_Yes, I am doing it again. Well, I never really stopped, have I? I am tempted to answer to the 'reviews' of my author's note, but I guess that would be too crazy, even for me.  
Just this one:_

_'Me' - I would have liked to drop you a line, but you didn't leave -or ffDOTnet deleted- your eMail address._

_But now to those of you who reviewed chapter 7:_

_Brillows4ever  
I think you ripped my eardrum. ... No, not really. But after all the yelling, it could have happened. This time I wouldn't even have minded. Strange.  
Is it mean of me to smile at the knowledge of having you in tears after every chapter? *wicked grin* I hope not, because I do._

_Loridhhp  
My fabulous Beta. I bow to your awesome grammar skills!  
I'm so glad that you think the tension between them typical. Shows me that I kept them in character. :oD  
I really hope I will get to the point where I can make both realize that they are similar. But I guess that would take a LOT of chapters. Oh well, we'll see.  
Well, sometimes I have the feeling that I let Fan Fiction Richard be too good. We know he has flaws and I try to keep that in mind, but I want him to be less 'blind' than GG Richard. When 'my' Emily needs her husband, he's going to be there. Period._

_B. Alex Milligan  
So there, I gave you more. Okay, so it took one hell of a long time, but I did. Right?  
I just hope I haven't lost you yet. *lol*  
In the meantime, I am going to happily munch those cookies you gave me.  
It might be rare, but I totally understand you. But then again... 'probably because' I 'wrote it'. *giggles*  
So you think I got Lorelai's rambling right? Good, because I need to let her ramble again in the future and if I got her right this time there's hope that those rambles are going to be believable as well._

_LorLukealways  
Real conversation is on it's way... but you're going to have to hang in there. If I'd let them have this conversation now already, it would be awfully out of character, I think. So try to be patient. I know I am.  
...Which is very out of character for me. ;o)_

_Valerie  
Copied or not, I always cherish your reviews and you know it ;o)._

_Poppinswannabe  
It's actually written already ... or at least part of it. And I hope you're going to like it. We will get to that point within the next ... hmm ... 5 chapters? Oh well, you'll see.  
_


	9. Matchmaker

_**Disclaimer:** See chapter 1._

_Well, look who's back! And it didn't take me months to do so either. Now, all together: Bow to the beta! I am learning so much from you, Lori, it's amazing. Hope there's going to be less red in our future. ;o)_

* * *

Lorelai stormed into the kitchen of the Dragonfly Inn. The frown on her face made everybody spin in the other direction to avoid her gaze.

"Coffee," she growled, grabbing a mug. Seeing that there was no coffee in either of the two glass cans in the machine, she grabbed one and spun around, her eyes blazing with angry fire. "Coffee!" She shoved the pot in the hands of the unfortunate soul who had been closest and made the mistake of having eye contact with her, who immediately shrunk back at her tone.

Sookie plastered a broad smile on her face and carefully stepped closer, her voice gentle. "Alan will get right to it," she smiled at the still shaking young man, "Won't you, Alan?" She watched him nod before she eyed Lorelai carefully. The Chef furrowed her brow slightly. "Are you okay?"

"Do I _look_ okay?" The brunette all but yelled, gesturing broadly. "The guest in number 15 complained about getting two pillow mints instead of one, the guy who was supposed to deliver tulips got here with lupines, and Michel is in the lobby, singing along to Celine Dion!"

"Who would complain about getting two pillow mints?" Sookie looked at her doubtfully.

"Apparently, she's on a diet." Lorelai shrugged, smiling when her friend suddenly giggled. Sighing, she hung her head before looking at Sookie again. "I'm sorry. I just..."

"It's okay, hon." Patting her friend's upper arm, she smiled. "Hey, look!" Pulling the pot from the coffee machine, she grinned broadly. "Coffee!"

Lorelai smiled weakly as she watched the dark liquid being poured into her mug. Breathing in the comforting scent, she closed her eyes for a moment, feeling herself relax slowly.

She had just taken a small sip, when her cell phone began ringing. Walking out the back door, she opened it with one hand while taking another gulp of coffee. "Hello?"

"Lorelai, it's Joshua." His grin was audible in his voice.

Smiling, she walked further into the garden. "What's up, Doc?"

"Well, I have some good and some bad news for you."

She sat down on a bench and leaned back. Her eyes closed, she let the sun warm her face while trying to stay calm. "Okay, good news first."

"You are a match." Joshua smiled, looking down on the medical reports in front of him.

"I am?" Her eyes snapped open again.

"Yes, you are. Which brings me to the bad news: You are going to be poked and prodded some more." He grinned, waiting for her answer.

Still trying to process the information, she was somewhat dumbstruck. "Duh... okay. Well, I guess that was to be expected." A slow smile formed on her lips. She would be able to help her mother. "When do you expect me?"

"Not so fast." Doctor Reynolds chuckled at her sudden enthusiasm. Taking a deep breath, he knew she would not like what he was about to say next. "At this point in the process we usually have a meeting with the donor and the recipient..."

Her shoulders sagged slightly. "You mean, I have to tell her already?"

"Well, you should. As I told you in our last meeting, I have already pulled some strings to get you this far ahead in testing without her knowledge. Usually we have the two parties meet after the initial testing." Flipping through the chart in front of him, he explained further. "The x-rays and angiogram we completed usually get done after the consultation."

"But there's gonna be more testing, right?"

"Yes, but--"

"--So why can't I just get past all those upcoming tests before we tell her?" She knew she was grabbing at straws.

"Lorelai," he shook his head. It would have been _so_ much easier to have this conversation face-to-face.

"Come on, Doc. You know my mother. She doesn't _know_ I've been tested. She didn't want me to even find out she was ill."

Furrowing his brow, Joshua switched the phone to the other ear. "So you think she will be mad if she finds out?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Uh, yeah? I mean it's Emily Gilmore we're talking about here." Animatedly rolling her eyes, she was surprised by his question.

"Lorelai; we both know Emily is not going to be very happy with us for conspiring behind her back, but I need to ask this: If she becomes upset and starts an argument with you, will this have any effect on your decision to donate this kidney to her?"

"What?"

"We both know she is going to argue about it. I need to make sure that you are standing behind your decision no matter what."

"Uhm..."

Leaning back in his chair, he took a deep breath. "All right. I tell you this not only as a doctor, but as a friend of the family... if you have _any_ second thoughts about the donation, that's okay. You don't _have_ to do this. I want you to understand that you still have the choice to say no without it having any effect on anything. The moment you tell your mother, this is going to change. So before you tell her, I want you to look inside yourself and ask if this is really what you want. If you are not a hundred percent sure, you should not go through with this."

She felt a lump in her throat. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, she nodded. "Okay." Rubbing her nose with the back of her hand, she sat up straight. "Thanks, Doc."

"Hey, that's what I'm here for, right?" He smiled mildly, trying to cheer her up a little.

"Yeah, I guess so." Lorelai shrugged.

"Okay, I have to get back to my patients. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, sure. I ... I'll call you again soon, okay?"

"Whenever you're ready," Joshua nodded, not totally convinced. After all, she was her mother's daughter.

Closing her cell phone, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. Lorelai took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment before she stood up and walked back into the kitchen.

She refilled her cup, headed for the storage room, and sat down on a stack of cardboard boxes. Looking around, she saw some bubble wrap hanging out of a box in reach and pulled it towards her. She placed her mug next to her and began popping the bubbles as Sookie walked into the room.

"What are you doing?"

"Playing the piano?" She answered absently.

Looking around, Sookie tried to find a place to sit, quickly deciding to just hunker down next to her friend. Eying her with concern, she watched as Lorelai kept popping the bubbles one by one. "If you don't stop than soon we're going to run out of this stuff." She tried to joke.

"Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose." Lorelai shrugged, finally looking at her, when Sookie pulled the bubble wrap from her hands. "Hey!"

Giving her a stern look, the stout woman cocked her head to the side. "Spill it."

"I'm a match," Lorelai shrugged, her voice not showing any emotion.

"Duh... well... I'm glad I'm not a striking surface, I guess." Sookie tried to joke, receiving a confused stare.

"Huh?"

"Uhm, well, when you're a match and I'm a striking surface, hugging you might make me lose a friend." Sookie shrugged, grinning broadly.

A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth at her friend's attempt to cheer her up.

"C'mon." Sookie nudged her. "Give me that smile I like so much."

Granting the woman's wish, Lorelai's smile widened.

"There," the Chef giggled, "That's better." Standing up, she grinned down at the other woman. "And now I'm going to make you some oatmeal cookies and you tell me all about it."

Lorelai smiled apologetically. "I'd prefer to stay here for a little longer, okay?"

"Uhm. Okay." She pointed towards the kitchen. "I'll get started on the cookies and you join me whenever you feel like it." Walking out of the room, she pointed her finger at her. "But keep your hands off the bubble wrap!"

Watching her closing the door, Lorelai looked down at her mug and sighed.

She was a match. ... What now?

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Tada!! Happy? Sad? Angry? Was it too dull? I don't know. Oh well, I hope you liked it. By the way: It's true. They do an angiogram of you, to check whether you're fit enough to donate or receive a new organ. If your heart can't handle the extra stress you can get turned down. So. That was your little biology lesson for today. Let's review some reviews:_

_First to the **".." annonymous review** I received.  
Thanks for saying that the story is 'nicely written'. It means my writing style doesn't completely suck.  
Now to answer you properly: Yes, I am not much of a L/L fan, but I took what you said to heart and checked my story line again to see whether you were right -in my eyes-.  
Going back over the timeline, I have to admit, I do not see your point too clearly. The first chapter starts with a Friday Night Dinner. The 2nd and 3rd take place the following night. In the 4th it is later that night for the E/R scene and then ends with Lorelai sleeping next to a man. I presumed every L/L would believe it's Luke, even though I didn't spell out his name. So she ran to him.  
In the 5th chapter, later that day, Lorelai is at the Dragonfly, so naturally: No Luke. Since she talks to Sookie there, the first emotional wave is over and she doesn't have to go to Luke 'inside' my story again. As far as I remember, Luke never made her talk when she didn't want to. He'd let her cry.  
Plus, I skipped the part post waking & pre Dragonfly. The 6th chapter plays the following Monday and since I had Sookie at the hospital -since she was around when Lorelai made the appointment I found her the most natural choice-, I didn't see room for Luke. In the 7th it's Friday - big jump ahead that I still don't like 100% - and we learn that Luke knows something, so 'off screen' Lorelai talked to him.  
Yes, you are right. I don't have Luke in this story -yet-. But since this story is filed under Emily/Lorelai and everybody who has taken a look at my other stories knows that I'm usually writing Emily/Richard, I still don't think it's necessary for me to explore the L/L relationship__ in this one__ as much as other stories do.  
It's true, Luke has had her back when she was under pressure or stress but until now I always had some other character that was already there the very moment, so there was no need to run to Luke.  
I think there will be Luke in future chapters and I think as soon as I get to the serious stuff he is going to make a longer appearance but for now I think it's fine the way it is. I will have to get Rory back soon. That's going to be hard to write as well._

_Thanks for caring enough about this story to give me your honest opinion. However, I hope that you see my POV too._

_######################_

_DramaQueen1103  
Thanks for the compliment. :o)_

_Valerie  
Honest. I'm proud of you. ;o)  
Well, I'm very glad you took the time to write one of your marvelous reviews, even if you were a bit late. I remember a German one, so it's all good.  
But yeah, you had every right to. *turns lovely shade of deep crimson*  
Rory is a smart kid. It was actually somewhat hard to write her suspicious but not suspicious enough to actually pack her bags and get home early. I guess Lorelai is just good at lying.  
*lol* Richard, the white knight of the maids. Great, now I'll never get that picture out of my head.  
Let's face it - I made Joshua one fabulous doctor. But hey, I couldn't do anything else.  
So I didn't let you wait so long again for a new chapter ... and I will try not to make you wait for the next so long either, because this one was all Lorelai._

_lilienprinzessin  
*thud* ... Oh my. Wow. I mean ... wow. All those reviews! I'll do a little happy dance now. No cameras! *happy dance* ... :oD It's so easy to make my day, huh? ;o)  
Well, THANK YOU for reviewing. And thank you even more for actually going back and reviewing ALL CHAPTERS! I feel blessed. 0:o).  
Yeah, I feel somewhat sorry for Rory too. I mean, I would have done the same as Lorelai but it's still mean.  
Oh, I don't think she would have told the maid to thank Richard, but I thought it sounded cute.  
Ah, another pro-Joshua person. :oD I'm somewhat glad that I made him so sympathetic. And I think as the Gilmore Girls' doctor, he'd be the most likely to recognize similarities between them.  
I'm not quite sure whether I'll write the counselling. I'm tempted to, but I don't know whether I have enough ideas to pull it off. We'll see. Who knows - maybe my muse hits me over the head and *bing*! There it is. *shrugging shoulders* Guess we'll just have to wait and see.  
It actually is part of the usual procedure. Just like Joshua said, the added stress is bad for the patient's system. So they are usually asked to go and search counselling. Or at least that's what those articles I've been reading told me *lol*.  
The way I see it, Joshua has been Emily's doctor for most her adult life, so I guess he'd know her well. ;o)  
If the scene would have gone further, I guess Emily would have eventually let him examine her. She's stubborn but not stupid. So if the doctor says 'I have to', she'll pout and complain but not refuse.  
So, how did you like the 'finding out part'?  
You will have to wait a bit longer for a decent talk. It would be OOC to not make them yell at each other just yet. ;o)  
Hmm... a counselling session with both__ Gilmore women ... now that might actually be fun to write. *evil snickers* ... Here's hope for the future._

_Miss GoodManners  
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!!! A rELLIEview!!!! *major happy dance*  
I could hug you! :oD *grinning in circles*.  
Well, I guess since it had almost (?) been a year, it was clear that you'd have to freshen up the memory. Actually, before writing, I had to go and re-read the chapters. *lol* Oy.  
Yes, we all seem to love my Joshua. Isn't he just great? I want to marry him, but I think he's gay ;o).  
I guess if he wouldn't be this way, Emily would have gotten a new doctor years ago. You know she always expect to get the best. So that's what I'll have to make Joshua to fit right in. ... Either that, or he knows some dirty secrets that make her stay his patient. And -even though that would be fun- I don't think that's likely.  
I actually got Rory off the Obama campaign and into some assignment in Europe, so I had the time difference to pull off some of the jokes in the first phone call. But I have to admit, I never really gave much thought to where and why exactly Rory was there. 0:o).  
I hope I didn't make Emily too clingy. I just think that in a situation like this, she sometimes has to 'break'. Never completely, but a bit.  
The whole 'I might die' aspect just changes her. And I'm glad it does. It is part of what I want the story to be. ;o)  
*lol* You liked Michel? Yeah, he's an added bonus. I think I wrote him quite well. I didn't even have to think about what he'd say, it just came to me. It was fun.  
Oh and my muse told me to say hello to you too. ;o)_

_Mary  
I'm glad it was fun to read, Mary! After all, a fan fiction should _always_ be fun to read. Okay, maybe not when it's Angst but hey, even my Angst has comfort. I just can't seem to make my favorite characters suffer for too long. It tortures me *lol*.  
So... are you glad that Lorelai ended up being a match?_

_Brillows4ever  
How very wicked of you. ... Are you related to me? ;o)  
So, since it took me a bit to get out the results ... are you dead yet? Or did you live long enough to see the day? I do hope so. But that's basically because I don't want to lose a reviewer. *evil snickers*  
Oh well, I hope I'll continue to do it right. After all, I want you to keep reading & enjoying this._


	10. Needles and Pins

_**Disclaimer:** See chapter 1._

_Hello again. After a Lorelai chapter, here's an Emily chapter. Hope you'll like it.  
Lori, thanks for putting up with me. I'm forever grateful!  
This is dedicated to lilienprinzessin ... You wanted something new to read? Here you go. *lol* I hope you'll enjoy it._

_

* * *

  
_

Flipping through the magazine, she tried to find something of interest. Why on earth had she forgotten her book? And why did this hospital only have gossip magazines here?

"Hello." A chipper voice greeted her ears.

Emily looked up in confusion, coming eye-to-eye with a nurse.

"Can I get you something?" The brunette smiled broadly.

"No, thank you." She smiled politely. Turning back to the magazine, she fixed her eyes on the page, even though there was nothing interesting written on it. Recognizing that the young woman was still standing next to her, she looked up again.

"I'm new." Her dark eyes sparkled.

"I know," Emily stated flatly.

The nurse seemed to be surprised at her statement. "Is it that obvious?"

"Actually, it is." She tried hard to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

Looking surprised, the girl cocked her head to the side. "Oh... uhm... why?"

"Because usually the staff here know that the majority of the people receiving dialysis prefer to be left alone while they're hooked to the machine." She glared at the young woman, hoping she would understand her hint.

"Ah, I see."

Emily once more pretended to be reading but the girl did not leave. Putting the magazine down forcefully, she shot the nurse an angry look. "Excuse me, but do I look like a people person to you?"

"Duh..." The girl's confusion was clearly written on her face.

"Well, since you don't seem to have noticed yet, let me help you: I am not."

"Uhm, I .…" She backed off a bit. "Okay." Pointing towards the opposite direction, she walked backwards while speaking. "I'll be right there if you..."

"I will call you when I need you." Emily nodded. Watching the younger woman turn away from her, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. At least sleeping was more productive than reading these silly magazines.

Five minutes later, she felt a slight movement on the catheter in her arm and snapped her eyes open.

"I'm sorry." The nurse grinned sheepishly. "I did not mean to..." Pointing towards Emily's arm, she trailed off. "You see, I knocked against the machine when I moved and--"

"If I throw a stick, will you leave?" Emily snapped, her annoyance was clearly audible.

"Excuse me?" The nurse gave her a confused look.

"Since you don't seem to understand subtle hints, you leave me no other choice but to be blunt with you," Emily answered angrily. "I don't care how good your intentions are but you are making it hard for me to relax at all. I am hooked to a machine that is supposed to clean my blood. I do not need _any_body to keep me company. I want to be left alone and I don't care if you're new here or not. All I want is to lie here, by myself, during this procedure, so go and bug someone else!"

"What's going on here?" A gentle but firm voice asked, making both women's heads spin in its direction.

"Thank God, Irma." Emily rolled her eyes. Motioning to the nurse still standing next to her bed. "Would you _please_ make sure this woman stops harassing me?"

Smiling, the dark skinned woman nodded. "I am sorry, Mrs. Gilmore. Anne has just been transferred to this unit and does not know the proper procedures yet."

"So I noticed." Emily glanced at Anne, who blushed and looked down.

"Anne, would you mind checking on Miss Amberson?" Irma turned to the younger woman, who nodded and left without another word.

Looking after the girl, Emily shook her head, and then turned her attention back to Irma. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She nodded, knowing her patient well enough by now to understand her motives. "If you'd excuse me now?"

"Of course." Nodding, she watched the head nurse turn around before she checked her watch and decided to close her eyes for another five minutes.

~*~

"Mrs. Gilmore?" A faint voice woke her.

Opening her eyes, she took a deep breath, realizing she had fallen asleep. Emily turned her head to meet the young nurse's shy smile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep." Sitting up slowly, she tried to shake off the fatigue.

Anne felt relieved at the older woman's reaction. She had expected to receive another angry glare. Reaching for her patient's arm, she shook her head. "No need to apologize. I'm sorry I had to wake you though."

Watching as the nurse took hold of her arm, she pulled it back. "Your hands are shaking."

She looked down before meeting her eyes again. "I'm sorry... I'm just..."

"Nervous." Emily nodded.

"I know we didn't have that good a start, but..." shrugging, she held out her hand, "Irma told me to unhook you from the machine."

Eyeing her suspiciously, Emily raised her brow. "And you think you can do that?"

"I was trained to." It sounded a little too uncertain.

Emily sighed, trying to be patient with the new nurse. She looked down on where the catheter in her arm was still attached to the hose that ran from her arm to the machine. Taking a deep breath, she looked the young woman deep in the eyes. No matter how annoying she had been, she was a trainee and she would have to deal with her in the future. Since this nurse was going to be on the right end of any needle Emily would correlate with in the future, she should try to stay on good terms with her.

Seeing the emotions the younger woman seemed to go through at the moment, she felt something close to sympathy when she looked into eyes that suddenly reminded her of her own. "Listen," she tried to remember her name, "Anne?" When the nurse nodded slightly, she went on. "You are right, we didn't have a very good start and I realize it was partly my fault." Before the young woman could say something, Emily held up her hand and went on. "I know you have only begun in this field and as far as I can tell, you are trying your best, but I need you to get this straight." She made a short pause to see if she had the girl's full attention. "I have been on dialysis for some time now; therefore, there have been a lot of people sticking needles in this arm." Emily pointed to her bruised skin. "I am sure you understand when I say it is more than a little sore." Seeing the new nurse nod, she smiled mildly. "I understand that you need to learn this but taking out the needles is a process I am not very fond of, since it can be very painful if not done right."

"I understand you completely." Anne nodded, glad that Mrs. Gilmore was so kind to her. From her initial impression she had thought that the woman would rip her head off next time she came near her.

"Would you mind getting someone more seasoned? I am sure you would try your best, but I would rather you don't come anywhere near me before you've had the proper training." Emily was surprised by the calmness in her own voice.

"Okay." Nodding, Anne smiled in relief. "I'll be right back."

She looked down at her arm. Maybe this girl was not as awful as she had thought at first.

When Anne came back a few minutes later, Emily recognized the deep blush on her cheeks immediately. "Is something wrong?"

"Mrs. Gilmore, I'm going to take out the needles now." The young nurse said, her voice showing traces of anger.

"You most certainly will not!" Emily retorted. Sitting up straight, she was taken aback by the sudden harshness in the other woman's demeanor. She saw the unnatural shimmer in Anne's eyes, wondering what had happened while she had been gone

Anne forced herself to make eye contact with her patient. "Mrs. Gilmore, I was told to unhook you from this machine and I am going to do just that." She took hold of her arm.

"Ouch!" Emily pulled her arm back, regretting it when Anne's steady grip pulled at the needle. "Let go of me!" She was half yelling by now, grabbing the nurse's wrist.

"Mrs. Gilmore, I am only trying to do my job here." Her voice was harsh.

"Are you out of your mind? You will let go of me this instant or I'm going to sue the goddamn hospital!" Emily glared at her, angry fire burning in her eyes.

"Anne!" A harsh, female voice cut through the air like a leash.

Both women froze at the sudden sound, looking towards a slim, grey haired woman dressed in white.

Anne took a step back, trying to regain her composure. "I'm sorry, Doctor Bernstein, but …"

"I don't need your excuses," the doctor spat, not seeming to care that a patient was present.

"I was not about to …"

"Enough nurse Goodwyn!" Doctor Bernstein's voice was harsh and demanding, a strange half-smile playing around her lips for a second when Anne looked down in shame.

Emily watched the interaction between the two women closely, one slim eyebrow arched.

The doctor looked familiar. She quickly scanned through her mental files and found her after a moment. Jezbel Bernstein. Of course. It had been years since she had last seen her. Time certainly had taken its toll. Well, if there was _one_ woman who deserved it, it most certainly was _her_. Emily remembered the time they had gone to school together and wished she wouldn't have. No matter how long ago it was, she still felt the rage.

Looking at Anne, she almost felt sorry for her. True, she had hurt her and she was still somewhat mad at her for that. On the other hand, Emily thought the way Jezbel treated her was highly improper, especially in front of a patient. It was just like they said: Old habits die hard.

She suddenly wondered if the other woman remembered her as well.

"I'm sorry." The doctor's smile was sweet at sugar, showing clearly that she didn't remember Emily at all. "Nurse Goodwyn is new here." She glared at Anne. "Isn't that true, nurse?"

The young woman shrunk back involuntarily and curtseyed like a school girl. "Yes, Ma'am." Her head snapped up when she realized her mistake. "Doctor Bernstein." She quickly corrected herself, fear in her eyes.

Emily furrowed her brow for a second, before she put on her most brilliant fake smile and nodded at the doctor. "Well, I guess I overreacted a little." Out of the corner of her eye she saw the dark waves of Anne's hair move, revealing her surprised gaze.

Doctor Bernstein's eyes hardened for a split second.

"I am sure Anne is more than capable. Now that I know you're her tutor, I am most confident I will not even feel a sting when she removes the needle now." Emily's voice was as sweet as her smile as she held the doctor's gaze. It was never too late to get back at someone as nasty as Jezbel Bernstein.

She could see the façade of the other woman crack; the slight waver in her faked smile while she tried to keep up appearance. She had seen this often during her life. Doctor Bernstein finally realized that she was not superior. Emily's smile widened ever so slightly as she mentally marked another won battle in her books. Yes, she knew she had won; it was time to generously dismiss the doctor now. "I'm sure you have a million important things to do, so we will not occupy your time any longer."

Getting the hint, the silver haired woman nodded curtly, turned on her heels, and left without another word.

"Why did you do that?" Questioning dark eyes met their confident twins.

"Let's not talk about it." Emily replied and then looked down at her arm. "I am still attached to a machine and though I'm quite sure that it is not bad for my system, it is getting rather uncomfortable."

Anne's eye widened. She had obviously forgotten about the initial reason for her presence. "Oh, right!" Reaching for her patient's arm, her hands stopped mid-air. "But," she looked at Emily, "you said I might hurt you. And … I don't want that."

"You don't have much of a choice now." The older woman shrugged. "I'm rather sure Doctor Bernstein is still around here, waiting for what's to happen next."

The nurse's eyes immediately scanned their surroundings. Looking back at Emily, she nodded. "You're probably right."

"I most certainly am." Emily countered. "Well, as far as can tell, we're going to have to work together now." She looked at her arm. "In the past, the best way has been to do this quickly and parallel to the arm. Do you think you can do that?"

Anne nodded and reached for the catheter.

"Anne?"

Her head snapped in her direction. "Yes?"

"The band aid." She reminded her.

"Right. I'm so sorry."

Emily watched her getting the small cotton dressing she would press to the wound and braced herself for what was to come next. Smiling at the younger woman, she moved her arm in her direction, waiting for her to take hold of it.

Anne took a deep breath and gently wrapped her slim fingers around Emily's wrist while she exhaled slowly.

She surprised Emily by pulling the needle out in one swift move before their eyes met again. "Did I hurt you?"

Emily had to smile at the uncertainty in the young woman's eyes. "Nurse Goodwyn, I will always cherish my initial misconception of you."

Anne furrowed her brow for a moment before the slight upturning of Emily's lips told her she had been teasing. "I will take that as a compliment."

"You should," her patient smiled. "If you'd excuse me now." The other woman nodded and left; a slight bounce in her step. Yes, this girl was not bad at all.

~*~

When Emily arrived at home, she furrowed her brow. There was loud music playing. She knew Richard was not home yet, which made the situation even more peculiar.

Putting down her purse, she decided to inquire further.

Walking into the living room, she found it empty. The stereo was playing some strange pop song. Emily decided not to turn it off in order to not make her presence known.

When she didn't find anybody downstairs, she climbed the steps to the second floor.

There was the same music coming from some other source.

She opened the door to one of the guest rooms and furrowed her brow; the vacuum cleaner was lying on the floor.

Hearing someone singing in the adjoined bathroom, she stepped closer to the half-opened door, carefully pushing it open.

Emily's eyebrows almost disappeared in her hairline as the young, blonde maid's eyes met hers through the mirror over the sink.

She dropped the hairbrush she had used as a microphone and spun around. "Mrs. Gilmore!"

Her employer did not say a thing, her eyes saying more than a thousand words.

"I… I didn't expect you home so early."

"I can see that, Agnes." Emily stated calmly. "I will go into my bedroom now and lie down for a while." She pointed to the messy room. "I expect you to have this room ready in ten minutes." Turning, she looked over her shoulder, "And I'd appreciate if you would turn off this dreadful music immediately."

"Yes, Ma'am." A deeply blushed Agnes curtseyed and quickly did as she was told.

~*~

Someone brushed her hair back gently.

"Emmy." His velvety voice whispered in her ear before she felt his lips brushing against her temple.

Taking a deep breath, she lazily opened her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Quarter past seven."

"Past seven?!" She raised her eyebrows in shock. "Oh… I didn't mean to sleep so long." She looked up at him.

"It's okay. I was just wondering why you weren't coming down for dinner." Richard smiled mildly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Would you like to stay here?"

Shaking her head, she sat up. "No." She returned his smile. "Why don't you go ahead? I'll be right there."

He nodded and leaned in to press a soft kiss to her hairline. "All right." Standing up, he smiled down at her. "Don't be too long."

"I'll hurry." Emily's lips curled up while she watched him leave.

* * *

_Okay, I know. 'It's not very long.' Sue me. :op. Off to bed now. Leave some reviews, please._

_Re-reviews from last chapter:_

_calleighsthebest - I'm glad you like it. Thanks!_

_Mary - I'm sorry for not giving you more Emily sooner. But I hope you liked this chapter._

_lilienprinzessin - *applause* Yeah, 'surprise, surprise' indeed. Oh well, I couldn't help myself. It would have been too cruel if she hadn't been, right? I just hope my Joshua is not getting too 'Mary Sue'-ish. It's hard to introduce new characters or widely unknown characters and not make them 'God'. *lol* I'm sorry my chapters aren't longer, but it's just the way they come out. *shrugging shoulders*_

_Loridhhp - My particular style of writing. Now what would that be ... hmm ... 'crappy'? ;o) Kidding. And for once not fishing for compliments. Oh my, look at all the fragments, I'm glad you're not betaing my author's notes. *lol*  
Just like I said before... I hope Joshua isn't too perfect. Oh well, I'll just have to make sure he'll put his foot in his mouth at some point in the future. ;o)_

_DramaQueen1103 - Hi Jacey! Well, I think Rory will be Rory. But you know the Gilmore Grudge. It lies deep and bites you int he butt once you feel safe. ;o)_

_Valerie - It's strange with Lorelai... I start writing a small scene, like a 'filler' to get back to Emily and Richard and then suddenly. Wosh! Chapter worthy. *shrugging shoulders* "Einnehmendes Wesen" ;o)._

_Branda - sunshine of my life! How ARE you?! You should really send me a PM and tell me all about it. Your MySpace is so empty *lol*. Thanks for taking the time to review both! Highly appreciated! Don't bother with passwords. That's what the 'annonymous' button is for. Muahahahaha! It's good to now that I still have enough skill to make you giggle. :oD And of COURSE she is a match. I mean, it could have turned out differently. But that would have completely messed up my original (pff, 'original', sure) story line. I just hope it's not going to get too soap opera-ish. I promise nobody is going to end up in a wheelchair with the doctors saying 'it's nothing physical', how's that? ;o) Yeah, I know it's not the most common. But it does happen. I read it online. My Muse thanks you for the cookie, but said that she'd like cake next time. Preferably double chocolate chunk with candles._

_annonymous - Wow, you could have just said "me" or something. *lol* One way or the other, I'm glad you like my story so far. I'm always grateful for any kind of feedback, so thanks for taking the time to post!_

_Bella - Thanks. The next update might come sooner. Stay tuned. :o)_


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